Saturday, February 26, 2005

Search Engine Disappointments IV

It never ceases to amaze me what people search for on the Internet. It amazes me further the searches that return this site. Here's some of what lead (or mislead) people here the last few days.

Paris Hilton and Her Niggas
Was number one. And there were a truckload of hits from this and variations on this. And a bunch of disappointed folks, I'm sure.

Google: "Paris Hilton's phone number"
Top fifteen. My fault for actually posting it, I guess.

Google: the niggas at dfnctsc
Number two! And not only in the US, but also the UK, Sweden, Switzerland, India, New Zealand, Belgium, and others.

Google: gizoogle
This used to be the top search that lead to hits here. Paris Hilton and her cell phone took its place. Oh, by the way, we're number two on Google for this search.

Yahoo!: gizoogle
We are number two on Yahoo!

MSN: janette jackson listen to her music
We're top search result. And here's the irony: The reason appears to be the earlier post where someone did a search on this same phrase. We'll see them again in about a week. Some folks never learn.

MSN: jamie lynn bra
We were Top 10 and don't know why. Some horny teen was disappointed.

MSN: the office website of jamie lynn spears
Number One! Woo-hoo! Wonder if this was the same disappointed horny teen. Maybe we should put up a site for the girl. Any volunteers?

MSN: sinead oconnor hot press 2005 interview
No longer showing. Still don't know why we ever did.

MSN: mr. britney spears speaks out
Was as high as bumber 10. But was higher. Really.

MSN: lucci emmy acceptance speech transcript
Top 15. And they were sorely disappointed.

Yahoo!: midget+strippers+georgia
Top 10. Which is scary. Almost as scary as the searcher.

MSN: msnbc news jane fonda eating disorder
No longer showing. Besides, I didn't know she had one.

MSN: big tit strippers
We made top 20 and some teen mad.

Google: 42 8 2005
Top ten. And a disappointed stalker, I'm sure.

Gotta Eat
Google: kfc buffet
We had joked about looking up KFC's menu online. Somebody actually did it.

We were Top 500, but no longer.

MSN: basil spell
We're number five. Behind,,, and

Google: basil the basil
Have since moved up to number two for this one. Maybe I can use this as my nickname.

Google Canada: basil treaty
It must be comforting to our friends in the Great White North to know that we're still top five. Out of 61,900.

Google: basil is
Top 10. Moving up!!

MyWay: basils blog
Number five. Behind two other "Basil's Blog," both of which are inactive.

Current Events
Google: the simpsons recap "february 20 2005" gay
We were Number One, but have dropped! Still somebody was sorely disappointed.

Yahoo!: Male Genital Snow Sculpture Shocks Drivers pictures
Number Six. But guess what was number one? Disneyland! Really. I don't remember that ride. And I think I would.

MSN: msn today ,16 february 2005
Moved up to Top 25 on this one. Go figure.

MSN: mr magoo bank robber
Top 10. And all the hits above and the first few below are reputable sites.

Google Germany: "george vii" "charles iii"
Some German lookin for a relative, no doubt. Oh, Top 25.

MSN: penquin cartoon
Top 20 for this odd entry.

MSN: washed up mermaids
We're number three. Which makes me wonder: whatever happened to Ariel?

Yahoo!: monkeys lunch
We're number two.

Google: sailor marine jokes sheep
Top 10. No brag. Just a fact.

Yahoo!: filthy monkey
Was up to Number 42 but has since dropped. I guess I still need to clean my monkey.

Entertainment Media
Yahoo!: photo of sammy davis jr kissing archie bunker
Numbers 17 and 32. And we don't even have the picture.

Google: "the onion"
Top 40. Mention that site one time and you never live it down.

FullReviews: www.keanu reeves
No longer showing. Thank goodness. This is sorta scary, if you think about it.

MSN: constantine finger scene
Top 5. And no idea what this person is searching for.

Google: ms rigg's sitcom
Top ten. And after looking at the results, I still don't know what they were after.

Google: evil glenn
Back up to number one. Oh, and Oddybobo was number one. But dropped. Probabably because Oddybobo won't link to this site. Must have a case of FrankJitis.

Google: "nickie goomba"
Top 5. Not bad considering he won't link here.

Google: Blog Clogger
Number Two! I wonder if Denise gets any business from that post.

Google: blog truckstop
Top 15. This sounds like a Steven King book, doesn't it?

Other Searches
MSN: my homesite naked
Top ten. I wonder what they were really after.

MSN: what are michael jordans kids names are?
For some reason we were number one for some reason. Never have I written about Michael Jordan never. And at no time have I written sentences like that at no time. However, we're dropped way down in the search results, however.

Yahoo!: picture's of black eye peas
Number one and I don't know why. But at least they aren't looking for porn. Unless "black eye peas" means something I don't know it means. Hmmm.

Google: "alex winter" israel
Again, someone really disappointed. Probably Alex Winter. Bogus!

Google: work hello boys
Top 15. Not sure what they were really after.

Google: ace of spades in fireworks mx
Top 15. And top blog in the results.

MSN: usage movie of condoms
No idea why we're top ten. Behind Bjork's Greatest Hits on Amazon.

Google Canada: "one of us one of us"
Another Top 10.

Google: truth or dare
Top 10. Even n Belgium! But probably disappointed someone.

Stuff like this is why I don't trust search engines.


  1. what?!? no moehawk?!?
    i'm selling my google stock.
    screw them commie bastages.

  2. and, i think that jaime lynn (spears) is britany's kid sister, about 11 or 12 years old (might be wrong, don't follow their lives or so-called music) so whoever was looking for her probably was much older than a teenager.

  3. Hey, I link to your site whenever I can. In fact, just did on Wednesday, twice in one post. I tracked back too. But if by link you mean from my site, I get to you through the Alliance blogroll which rolls over from the old site. Either way, I read you twice a day at least! :)

  4. I stand corrected.

    And, no it doesn't bother me one bit that you don't BlogRoll me. Oh, no. Not at all.

    I'm a big boy now, and I'll get over it.


    Just wanted to give a standing ovation to Basil of Basil's Blog for giving me the code to time-stamp my posts. I finally got around to tweaking my template today, and I'm near-giddy with delight upon viewing the results. Thanks,...

  6. I Googled myself yesterday. Apparently there's some guy with the same name as me who plays soccer for a university in Germany. Unfortunately, it also appears that he isn't very good.

    That's just what I need. I suppose I'll get my ass kicked by a bunch of soccer hooligans if I ever go to Germany.

  7. Hm, you could start a weekly carnival of wacky hits from search engines. Try finding "deranged crazy chicken" in your stats!


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