Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Goin' To Church

White Trash Wednesdays

My cousin Basil talked the other day 'bout the lady slapping him in church. It was with her hair, so don't get all excited or nothing.

Well, my turn. This fellow I know got slapped by this lady in church one time. Twice, actually.

We was standing up and started to sing "Standing on the Promises" or something, when suddenly this fat lady that was sittin' two pews up from me turned around slapped th' stew outta this fellow that was sittin in the pew in front of me.

I didn't know what to do, so I just kept on singing.

About the next verse, she turned around and slapped the guy again.

And again, I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do, so I just kept singing.

After church was over, I called Frank over and asked him what happened. He told me that when that big lady stood up, her dress was part-way tucked into the crack of her butt. So, he reached forward and pulled it out. That's when she turned around and slapped him.

I asked him why she slapped him the second time. He said that he figured she was upset about him pulling her dress out of her butt-crack, so he tucked it back in. That's when she slapped him the second time.

It's awlays interesting at church in my town.

They bought them a new organ at the church last year. And the fellow from Baxley that drives over to play on Sunday's knows how to make it play, that's for sure. When he hits the high notes, the dogs on the floor start howling.

Them buying that organ is the first time they spent that much money on something in a long time. About seven-eight years ago, they was budgeting for a new chandelier, but decided not to buy one because didn't no one there know how to play one.

It was hard for them to get the money together for such a big purchase anyhow. There ain't but about 500 memembers on the churhc roll, and only about seven last names. It's a close-knit church, you can tell.

Over to the Methodist church next door, they got them a new baptismal font. Of course, it's a #3 washtub.

They did get new choir robes at the Baptist church. They was paid for and embroided with the logo of Jerry's Barbeque.

But, being in a small town, they got some advantages. Like don't nobody lock the doors of their cars. Except during the summertime. But that's so nobody can leave them a bag of squash.

Of course, they airn't always the sharpest folk. Like the other day, the preacher was preaching from Luke 9 and told the story about Jesus feeding the 5000 with five loaves and two small fishes. After the service, several folks came up and wanted to know if those fish was bass or catfish. And what bait they used.

Despite all that, they's some good folks at the churches in my town. Y'all come visit us one Sunday and we'll go out to Omar & Sadie's Fried Chicken afterwards.

More White Trash Wednesdays:

Agent Bedhead
And Rightly So!
basil's blog
Cranky Neocon
Dangerous Logic
Feisty Republican Whore
It Is What It Is
Lost In Lima Ohio
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Pirate's Cove
Riehl World View
Six Meat Buffet
Stupid Random Thoughts
The Ebb & Flow Institute
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire


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