Sunday, March 5, 2006

Getting Slapped Around In Church

You meet the most interesting people at church.

Of course, maybe it's just at a Baptist church.

But, you know how some people act one way on one day and a different way on Sunday? Well, I do. Again, maybe it's just a Baptist thing.

But still, some folks you know might act on Saturday night completely different than they act on a Sunday morning. Being on the dance floor or at the bar at night, and sitting in a pew, holding a copy of the NIV the next morning, you never know what you might run into.

Or do, if you're the person that's one way at church and another way away from church.

Again, maybe that's just the Baptists. But I don't think so. Sounds like something the Methodists would do, too.

I suspect it's not just Christians, either. It would not shock me to know that some of our Jewish friends act one way away from a religious setting and another way in a secular setting.

Maybe even some Muslims, for instance Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, act one way when beheading infidels and another way at the Mosque. But maybe not.

Anyway, I think it's pretty common to run into people who are one way in a religious setting and another way in a secular setting.

But, every now and then, you meet someone who probably is the same, whether out on a weekend night or in the pew in front of you on Sunday morning.

Such as the young lady who sometimes sits in front of me at church.

She flips her hair.

A lot.

An awful lot.

First time she sat in front of me, I noticed the dress she wore looked like it might be acceptable for a Saturday night out. I guess it was the leopard print pattern. Maybe it's just me, but leopard print pattern seems to be a "Let's go out tonight" kind of pattern, more than a "Let's praise our Lord and Savior" kind of pattern.

But, in this part of the country, it's not that uncommon. Like I said, I noticed, but looked around and saw she wasn't alone in wearing something with that pattern.

In a Baptist service, at least in a Southern Baptist service, the congregation usually stands up for singing hymns and sits down the rest of the time. There's none of the kneeling like you run into at an Anglican service or a Roman service or other similar services. No rails across the bottom of the pews or anything. No big picture of Jesus that folks kneel or bow or cross themselves to before they go into the pews.

No, Southern Baptist services (and Methodist, too) are pretty much folks wander in, get a back pew if they're early enough, talk about what they did last week or, during football season, talk about how the Bulldogs, Tigers, Crimson Tide, Yellow Jackets, Eagles, Gators, Seminoles, Volunteers, etc, did the previous afternoon. And then the lady on the organ starts playing, so folks got to speak up to be heard. Then, they tone it down when the preacher or the choir walks out. Then, they start the stand up to sing, sit down to listen, grab the wallet (or act like it was left it in the other suit), and so on.

Now, the Wife and I will sometimes take the grandchildren to church with us. Sometimes one. Sometimes all three. But they like to sit next to their grandmother, and I will usually sit at the entrance to the pew. And, since we go to a small church, we take up most of the pew.

Anyway, I'll lean forward slightly to look at the grandchildren and make sure they're not drawing pictures in the pew Bibles or showing off their underwear to others or anything untoward.

Remember the young lady that sometimes sits in front of me? Well, like I said, she'll flip her hair. And when I'm leaning forward slightly, or if we're standing up to sing or sitting down from singing, and she flips that hair, I get slapped in the face.

Oh, I'm not saying I don't need slapping. But it's often unexpected to get slapped in the face by the hair of a leopard-print-wearing young lady in a Baptist church.

Or, it used to be. Lately, it's become the norm.


  1. You're old enough to have grandkids?

    Next time that lady slaps you in the face with her hair, get her phone number for me, will ya?

  2. > grandkids

    Well, I have kids. And they're old enough to have kids. So, yeah.

    > phone number

    And have you calling her on a Sunday morning and the whole church listening to "Sweet Home Alabama" playing while she tries to answer the phone? Are you kidding?

  3. Skankification has gone so mainstream that I no longer get shocked at how the young women at church are dressed. They're not attempting to look slutty or pick up men at church. It's just that the fashion bar has been lowered so that they don't know that people might consider their wardrobe provocative.

  4. This Sunday somebody's phone went off and it was the theme to the Munster's. Hilarious.

  5. Reminds me of the lyrics in a Jimmy Buffett song:
    There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning...

  6. I have a leopard print dress, and I wear it to church.

  7. Yes! You meet the most interesting people in church!
    And we all know I am interesting, don't we, basil?

  8. Interesting. Hmmm. That's a word for it.

  9. A short, inoffensive funny about how we pray from a Southern Baptist who knows what Anglicans are....

    Here’s this piece about “getting slapped around in Church”, from Basil.



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