Monday, March 20, 2006

Always Clip Your Toenails Before Going To The Symphony

I mentioned yesterday about going to the Symphony Saturday night to experience Beethoven's Ninth.

Today, I have some tips to share if you decide to go to the symphony. Had all of these been followed ... by me and by others ... the wonderful experience would have been even better.

Tip #1: When You Buy Symphony Tickets, Don't Take Your Wife With You If You're Also Buying Merle Haggard Tickets

You see, during lunch one day a couple of weeks ago, I walked down to where the Wife works (2-3 blocks) and we walked to the River Center (another 2-3 blocks) to get tickets to a couple of shows. I wanted to hear the CSO ... and she wanted to hear Merle Haggard.

We went to see Merle Haggard about three years ago. He was performing at Stone Mountain ... and I got tickets to go. So, I surprised her with a weekend trip to Stone Mountain and a Merle Haggard concert. She enjoyed it.

So, anyway, we've seen Merle Haggard. But I had never heard Beethoven's Ninth performed live.

And, like I said, she went with me to get the tickets. So when the lady at the ticket office asked what seats, the Wife asked prices, then asked for the cheap seats in the balcony.

But ... when it came time to get Merle Haggard tickets, she picked the most expensive ones available. And, yes, cheap seats were still to be had. But we got the expensive ones.

So, next week, we're listening to Merle Haggard. From the high-priced seats. Last Saturday night, for Beethoven's Ninth, we had to sit in the balcony. In the small seats. Not downstairs where the seats are wide enough to accommodate my big ole butt. Still, the seats in the balcony wouldn't have been that bad if these other tips I have to share had been followed.

Tip #2: Always Clip Your Toenails Before Going To The Symphony

Another one I should have followed. I have a pair of shoes that really only go with my tux. And nothing else really goes with the tux except those shoes. And they are a little tight. I don't like them. But they're what I have to wear.

So, I should have checked my toenail before putting those shoes on. Because part-way into Beethoven's First (the opening piece, with the Ninth to follow Intermission), my left little toe hurt like heck. Because of the tight shoes and the toenail in need of clipping.

During Intermission, I went to the men's room and took care of the problem. It would have been better if I had clippers. Or even a knife. But I didn't. But I took care of the problem. The missing nail makes the toe sore, but the dull pain is better than the sharp pain. But all pain could have been avoided had I followed this tip.

Tip #3: Always Do Laundry The Day Before Going To The Symphony.

This one isn't for me. But for the group that sat two rows in front of me. They wore their sweats. Now, while I was the only one wearing a tux ... except for the orchestra members themselves ... and the ushers ... most everyone else was well-dressed. But not everyone. Like the group that wore their sweats. Or the hippie that wore his sandals and needed a shave. They were dressed for Merle Haggard, not for Beethoven.

Tip #4: Leave Your Baby Dolls At Home. Both You And Your Brother.

Another group that sat a couple of rows in front of us had three children. One was a teenage boy, one was a girl about 10 or 11, and one was a boy about seven.

The youngest two brought their dolls with them.

Both the boy and the girl.

Now, I've seen toddlers like to take their dolls with them wherever they go. But a girl about 10 or 11? That was a new one for me.

As was the seven year old boy carrying the doll.

Not the GI Joe action figure, but an actual full-size baby doll. Again, this was a new one on me.

They left after Beethoven's First, and didn't return after Intermission. I wondered if perhaps they went to the ballet instead.

Tip #5: Blow Your Nose Before Entering The Hall

It must still be cold and flu season. Lots of people were coughing. Which was an irritation.

And the fellow behind me who tried to silently blow his nose. At least he tried.

But, this one kid, sitting on the row behind us, several seats away, needed to blow his nose. That way he wouldn't have had to have been digging in it like he was. I didn't notice if he was a wiper, a flicker, or an eater. If he was a flicker, we were far enough away to be safe. But I fear for the ones sitting in front of him.

Tip #6: Learn To Park

I'm not sure who it was, but whoever parked his Mercury, Alabama tag 57A118P, on the street apparently isn't aware that those lines mark the edge of the spaces ... and you're supposed to be inside the spaces ... not parked in two spaces.

You see, if you park like that, someone might get upset about it and put your tag number on the Internet.


  1. What did you do to your toenail?

  2. Next time bring your digital camera so you can put pictures of the car on the net as well.

  3. Linda: If you *really* want to know ... Since it was grown out, I decided to work the edge with my fingernail, hoping to create a breach in the side, then *carefully* work off the part that hitting the shoe. In other words, break the toenail where it extruded, then remove the extrusion. Instead, it broke over the meat of the toe. I removed the extrusion ... and the rest of the broken part. Still hurts.

    SeanS: I asked the Wife for the camera, since it's actually hers (Christmas gift from a couple of years back). She didn't bring it. But I SO wanted a picture to post. People that take up two spaces really bother me. Like they're more important than everyone else. Jackasses.

  4. I couldn't imagine how you took care of it without clippers! Curious no more! i bet it does smart!

  5. Thick socks and keep the nail area clean. Chipping a toenail looks worse than it feels


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