Thursday, May 10, 2007

Excuse Me While I Get The Rose Bush Out Of My Pants

I had a portent of things to come Saturday night.

Now, let me reiterate how wonderful this past Saturday night was, spending time with Two Dogs and Bean from Mean Ol' Meany. But even that wonderful night had a small hiccup.

I got to the ticket office at the Biscuits baseball field a little early, and went to the Will Call window to pick up the tickets.

That's when I found out my driver's license was missing.

Now, I had them the previous day when I went to see LT's Airborne graduation. They won't let civilians (have been one for over 10 years now) on post without proper ID. And I remember showing my ID at the gate at Ft. Benning.

But then, Saturday night, in Montgomery, Alabama, I'm standing there with no ID.

Didn't go into panic mode, because I knew I could always buy grass seating. Was just trying to figure out how to find out what seats were supposed to be ours. If I'd have found out, we'd have sat there anyway, since no one else would've had the tickets either.

But, no, it wasn't necessary. The kind lady behind the window -- okay, the second one I spoke to, since the lady at the other window still demanded ID -- understood, saw what all I did have, and let me pick up the tickets.

Still, I had driven to Montgomery without a driver's license.

And drove back that night without one.

And, when I drove to the Catfish game (actually, Wendy's, then back home) the next day, still didn't have a driver's license.

And, when I went to the hospital Monday, didn't have a driver's license.

The kind folks at St. Francis must have understood. I had everything else, of course. But I was concerned that my homeless appearance -- sweatshirt, sweatpants, untied tennis shoes, no socks, unshaven face, hair that looked like I had slept in it -- might give them pause.

But all the insurance info checked out, so they treated me ... and eventually admitted me. Yes, I know, they would have treated me anyway. Took the extra day off Wednesday like the doctor said, so didn't need my driver's license.

But today? I had to go to work.

Since the Wife and I work so close ... and will often car pool ... it was not a big issue. And, at lunch, she picked me up, and took me over to the courthouse to get my driver's license renewed.

Only, they wouldn't renew them.

You see, I lost them a week too early.

There is a renewal window that won't open for me until the 16th. And today's the 10th.

So, I couldn't get a renewal. I could get a replacement ordered, though.

For $18.

Renewal is $23.

So, I filled out everything, gave all the IDs I had, and the kind lady took my picture, and told me to expect my driver's license in the mail within 2 weeks.

Just after the renewal window opens for me.

I paid the $18, took the temporary license, and went outside.

Now, at the driver's license office, they have 2 or 3 signs up on the door saying to turn your cell phone off. And another couple of signs inside saying the same thing.

So I did.

Well, not really.

I put it on vibrate. I could still get calls, but they wouldn't have to listen to my phone ringing. Which is what I figured they were after, anyway.

So, after heading out the courthouse, the Wife and I walked down the steps. We took a right, and moved out of the shade onto the sidewalk to the parking lot.

That's when I felt my cell phone vibrating.

I pulled it from my belt, looked at the screen, and saw ... nothing.

That darn overhead sun was making the screen impossible for me to read.

So, I stepped off the sidewalk and over toward the building, trying to get into the shade.

That's when I stepped into the rose bush.

Not on the rose bush. But into the rose bush.

And that's when a section of the rose bush ... about 2-1/2 feet worth ... decided to come off of the main plant ... and stay on my pants. About crotch high.

The call was a call I needed to take. Work related. A guy that, if he calls, needs something. I'm there for him. He's there for me. Good fellow. Want to help him if I can.

So I'm standing there, on the lawn of the courthouse, cell phone at my ear, and a nearly yard-long piece of a rose bush embedded into my nether regions.

I explain, ever so briefly, that I need a second to get this rose bush out of my pants.

He pauses for a second, then, "I'm not sure what that means."

I quickly explain I had walked into a rose bush, and needed to extricate myself. That, he understood.

After answering his question ... the one he had actually called about ... as best I could, I apologized for not being able to be more helpful.

He explained that he thought I had given him the information he needed, and that, at a minimum, I had made him feel better about himself.

He was still laughing as he hung up.

Gosh, I hope this week gets better.


  1. LOL Gotta watch out for those rose bushes! We're both having a rather bad week! Hope it improves! ;)

  2. Ah basil, sorry but you sure do know how to make me laugh and laughter is something I apparently need a whole lot of lately. Just can't shake these blah blah blues. Thanks for sharing.

  3. "Basil - improving other men's self esteem one rose bush at a time since 2007."

    I think it's one of the harder ways to go about it but, hey, as long as you don't suffer any permanent injuries....


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