Evil Glenn's Book

The Microsoft Outlook e-mail notification icon appeared and I clicked on the icon. Ah, a new e-mail from ... eFax? They send out monthly notices, but here it was the second week of the month. Hmmm. I set up the account a while back but never used it. Did someone get my eFax number? Great. Another type of spam. I opened the e-mail and saw that it had a HUGE attachment. Sure enough, it was an actual fax. So I opened it and looked at the cover page. Ah, I saw what the problem was. It was a "wrong number" fax. The fax was intended for Simon & Schuster, and it had their number, (212) 632-8099, on the cover sheet. So that explains it. My eFax number was ... shall we say ... close. I saw the error. Great. I'll be getting faxes for Simon & Schuster now. Okay, let's see who it's from. Glenn Reynolds? The first chapter of his new book? This might be interesting, I thought, as I opened it and began reading ...

Chapter 1 In the beginning Glenn created the Internet and the Web. And the Web was without form, and void of content; and Netscape was upon the hard drives of the computers. And the Spirit of Glenn moved upon the pages of the Web. And Glenn said, Let there be messages: and there was messages. And Glenn saw the messages, that it was good: and Glenn divided the correspondence from the junk. And Glenn called the correspondence Email, and the junk he called Spam. And the evening and the morning were the first day. And Glenn said, Let there be a virtual firmament in the midst of the Web, and let it divide the Web sites from the Web sites. And Glenn made the firmament, and divided the Web sites which were under the firmament from the Web sites which were above the firmament: and it was so. And Glenn called the firmament AOL. And the evening and the morning were the second day. And Glenn said, Let the Web sites under AOL be gathered together unto one place, and let the pop-ups appear: and it was so. And Glenn called the AOL surfers Beginners; and the gathering together of the other surfers called he Geeks: and Glenn saw that it was good. And Glenn said, Let the AOL bring forth spam, the herbs promising increased breast size, and the pills yielding a larger penis after his kind, whose seed is in itself, to date teens: and it was so. And the AOL brought forth spam, and herbs yielding larger breasts in her mind, and the pill yielding a large penis, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and Glenn saw that it was good. And the evening and the morning were the third day. And Glenn said, Let there be sites in the firmament of the Web to divide as day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for reasons, and for gays, and cats: And let them be for sites in the firmament of the Web to promote the right upon the earth: and it was so. And Glenn made two great sites; the greater site to rule the Web, and the lesser site to rule the Tech Central Station: he made Kos also. And Glenn set them in the firmament of the Web to give light unto the earth, And to rule over the funny and over the clever, and to divide the right from the moonbats: and Glenn saw that it was good. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day. And Glenn said, Let the Web bring forth abundantly the moving creatures that hath sites, and foul language that may fly around the earth in the open firmament of the Web. And Glenn created great whale Oliver Willis, and every living creature that moveth, which the Web brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every wingnut after his kind: and Glenn saw that it was good. And Glenn blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the Web in the sphere, and let foul language multiply in the earth. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day. And Glenn said, Let the Web bring forth the living creature after his kind, babble, and creepy things, and beast of the Web after his kind: and it was so. And Glenn made the beast of the Web after his kind, and babble after their minds freeze, and every thing that is creepy upon the earth after his kind: and Glenn saw that it was good. And Glenn said, Let us make Frank J. in our image, after our likeness: and let him have dominion over the Babe of the t-shirts, and over the SpaceMonkey, and over the Duck, and over all IMAO, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth, like Harvey. So Glenn created Frank J. in his own image, in the image of Glenn created he him; male and female created he them. And Glenn blessed them, and Glenn said unto them, Be fruity, and multiple-post, and replenish the Web, and subdue it: and have dominion over the SpaceMonkey, and over the Duck, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth, like Harvey. And Glenn said, Behold, I have given you a gun-bearing Babe, which is upon the face of all the shirts, and every ad, in the which is the fruit of a money yielding IMAO; to you it shall be for cash. And to every Monkey of Space, and to every Duck, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, like Harvey, wherein there is life, I have given every green blogger for cash: and it was so. And Glenn saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. I'm not sure it'll be a hit. I get the feeling it's a recycled plot.