Dr. Phat Tony

The Doctor is IN!

Today's interview is with a former soldier and a heckuva blogger, Dr. Phat Tony...


The panel is lined up with their questions...


First question...


What is best served with Jill? Humane mercy, mint jelly or some fava beans with a nice chianty?


Jill will be served a bullet, and then be served in a number of fashions for friends and family. I'm still collecting recipes. Send me any you might see.


Terrorists have just moved in down the street. What weapon would you choose to take them out?


First you need to take away their press credentials, then you can beat them to death with a variety of pork products.


How much ammo would you bring?


You can carry alot of little smokeys but it will take for ever to kill a terrorist with that. I suggest one shoulder roast in a burlap bag.


Where would you stash the corpses?


Stash!? Heck mount 'em and display them proudly.


If you brought a gun to a knife fight, what gun would it be?


I will always have a soft spot for an M-4. I spent so much time carrying one around, it just feels right.


Dr of what?


Asinine-inity. So what if I made that word up. I have a Dr. in front of my name.


What kind of name is Pee Hat anyway?


A stupid one, and now that you spelled it that way, it reminded me of a Sgt in my unit that would actually pronounce it that way. Good times.


What was your worst day blogging?


I received a link from Neal Boortz once to a stupid piece I wrote about pork armor for vehicles. I received alot of hits that day, unfortunately I didn't have one advertisement up when I was linked so I made $0.


What was your best day blogging?


That same day, right before I realized that 20 something thousand hits went by before I put up an ad.


What is your favourite book?


The gig is up. I can't read. In reality, I read mostly sci-fi or historical novels. I can't really say I have a favorite; I've never recommended a book to some one.


If you had a time machine, where would you go to spend 24 hours? And what would you do there?


I've watched enough sci-fi movies to know that going back in time can lead to catastrophe. So I would only go back to the day of the latest lottery drawing, get my ticket with the winning numbers and lay low so I don't accidentally destroy the present.


What are you, nuts?


Not those kind.


Who's the squirrelist person you ever met?


You win already now put on some pants.


Who is your hero?


Normally I would try to come up with something inspirational, but I just can't. I really don't have any person that I look at and say that I want to be like that. Maybe I'm uninspired.


Who's hotter? Hillary Clinton or Susan Estrich?


With those choices, I'm more attracted to eating a bullet. But, I play by the rules. Would it be funny if some one banged Hillary while wearing a Carl Rove mask?


Who's hotter: Abe Vigoda or Steven Hawking?


Ya, I'ld totally go gay for Stephen Hawkings. I bet he talks dirty.


What's the scariest thing you ever did?


When I was living in the barracks, some friends and I found one of our platoon's privates tied up and left out in the hallway by second platoon. We went to one of their private's room to tie him up and leave him out in the hallway. The little bastard was sleeping with a hammer under his pillow, and he woke up and swung it at me. He didn't hit me, but after I snatched him up and put him on the ground, their was a moment where I wanted to beat the living piss out of him. I think if I would have hit him I might not been able to stop.


What's the most fun day you ever had in uniform?


This is a tricky one. I can't tell you the best time, because it's not for decent folk, but we did go on a great beer X once. A beer X is when you go out on a field exercise, but instead of training you go into town and get alot of beer instead.


What's the best three-day drunk you've been on?


I'm pretty sure it was sometime during my first three months in Germany. They're all pretty much a drunken blur.

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Thank you so much for taking the time for the interview. It was a blast! I appreciate it.

Tomorrow, we have Jan Bussey (CascadeExposures). That will be a good one, too.