Friday, April 8, 2005

This Looks Like A Job For … It's A Pundit!

The circus was in town and the first show was that afternoon. The beat cop walked by the poster advertising the Show Under The Big Top when he paused. He spun around on his heel and looked closer at the poster. Yes, it was her. The missing heiress! It had to be.

The flatfoot rushed over to the nearby call box and picked up the receiver. "Sgt.O'Malley? It Patrolman O'Reilly here. I've found the missing heiress!" began the veteran policeman, and proceeded to tell the desk sergeant what he had found.

Within minutes, Chief O'Hara was notified of what had been uncovered. The Chief then called Commissioner Gordon, who immediately left the opening of the exhibit at Gotham Museum.

Later, at police headquarters, Gordon and O'Hara looked at the poster the foot patrolman had discovered and then looked at each other. Gordon summed it up: "There's no doubt about it, Chief. Its her. And if she's being held prisoner in the circus, that means one, and only one, Super-Villian can be behind this. And that calls for the Dynamic Duo!" Gordon reached for the red telephone.

Alfred slowly walked over and picked up the phone. "Yes? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. No, sir. I'm sorry, sir, but they have gone to San Francisco to attend the wedding of Mr. Wayne and Master Grayson. Yes, sir, they will be providing security and will follow the couple on their cruise. About a week, sir. Yes, sir. Oh, not at all, sir. We're disappointed we were unable to help. Yes, sir. And, you too, sir." Alfred replace the receiver and removed his robe. "Now, Harriet, where were we?"

Back at police headquarters, Commissioner Gordon replaced the phone and relayed the bad news to Chief O'Hara. O'Hara summed up the feelings of them both: "So close, and we're powerless to do anything."

The door popped open and Barbara bounced in. "Hi Dad!" she said and kissed Commissioner Gordon on the cheek.

"Oh, hello, Barbara dear," the Commissioner said.

"Why so glum?" the young lady inquired.

"Oh, we're so close to rescuing the missing heiress, but the Dynamic Duo is escorting Gotham City's most famous couple on their wedding and honeymoon," explained Gordon.

"Oh, pshaw! Why worry about those two when the smartest man in the world is just a click away?" Barbara asked.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Oh, what's his name? That Pundit guy. He's so wise! What IS his name?" said Barbara. "He's on the Internet. Oh, well. I just stopped by to tell you that Selina and I are on our way to Panama City for the week."

"Well, give Miss Kyle my love," said the Commissioner as his daughter bounced out the door.

"Chief," said Gordon, "how do you operate this thing?" He pointed at the computer on his desk. "Ah, never mind. I have it"

After a few clicks and taps on the keyboard, the Commission suddenly yelled, "AHA! I have it. Here it is. Oh, wait. There are several "Pundits" listed. Which one? Oh, well. Let's try this one: It'sAPundit. Let's call him."

The PunditPhone rang and Evil Glenn ® answered. "Yes, sir! We'll be right there."

"We?" asked Gordon.

"Just an expression," Evil Glenn ® responded. He smiled and reached for the PunditAlert and keyed in the information.

The Other Glenn was first to receive the message. He went to his favorite blog and pulled out his decoder ring. He knew where to find the Super-Villain. La Femme Wonkita has a blogger who owed her some favors and made contact. Success!

Eric was reading a blog when he got the message and opened his e-mail. "So obvious" he thought. William Teach, too, knew where to find the villain, as did Mrs. Evil Glenn, who was chatting with a close personal friend when she got the message.

Jody didn't hear the page at first, but when Metrosexual Glenn called explaining what he read, went right to work. The Man keyed in his response immediately, likewise "Im Glenn, not Glynn or Glen" who was eating supper with Redstate Rant, and Gin Reynolds, who called a contact in New York.

IFOC jumped up immediately and prepared to travel to Gotham. T Rock was trolling a site and missed the call. ItsaGleeson, who was busy working on number five, hit the "skip" button. Glenn Who's Better Than Those Others was watching Hardball and didn't hear the alert. Romeocat got the message and began packing.

aTypicalJoe was out of cell range and wouldn't get the message until later. Drunk Glenn was drunk and passed out in a pub somewhere. SpaceMonkey was toggling back and forth between his blogs and didn't know what to do. Merri knew exactly what do do.

Renn Glenolds called a friend and canceled plans. Glenda Reynolds cursed silently, knowing she would have to ask a favor of a friend before she left. Dr. Glenn Reynolds asked his source to confirm his suspicions. Dan began his research, while evil Glenhawk prepared for travel.

Glizzen Reynolds gave his homies the word that he was on a case, and stopped to pick up Puppy Blender and Not Quite As Evil As Evil Glenn Glenn (who was reading a book).

Once all the Pundits had received the message, the data came pouring in, and Evil Glenn ® knew where to go.

At the circus, Evil Glenn ® stood in the shadows. He watched the trapeze act and confirm everyone's suspicions. It was the heiress! She was working for the circus! And that meant only one person was indeed responsible, the ultimate Super-Villain himself, Mr. Bad Example and his side-kick, Johnny Be-Bad.

Evil Glenn ® followed the members of the trapeze troupe to the back and pulled the heiress aside. "I'm here to rescue you!" he said. The heiress looked at him, eyes wide, then laughed. She grabbed Evil Glenn ® by the arm and wrestled him to the ground.

Evil Glenn ® stared up with a confused look on his face. "Didn't you hear me? I'm here to save you!"

The heiress explained. "Look, fellow, it was six years ago that Mr. Bad Example came to take me away, that much is true. But as soon as he looked into my eyes, I used my wiles to case a spell on him."

A look of understanding came upon Evil Glenn®'s face.

"Yes, he came for me, but now I have him," said the heiress. "I can leave anytime I like, but I don't want to. He does what I say, when I say it. Well, most of the time. But the point is, he doesn't hold me. I have a hold on him."

She smiled and exploded in laughter. She was TNT. Smiling dynamite, she was.

The heiress turned and walked away smiling. She was where she wanted to be. She was happy. And, finally, so was Mr. Bad Example.


  1. nicely done.

    and thanks for including me, even though i haven't been a big poster on It's A Pundit...

    but every little bit helps! and, if i can come up with anything worthy of the site, i'll put it on my site first, then link to it from It's A Pundit!

  2. another work of art.

    i'd sure hate to have to try and follow that up.

  3. I love it! This was, once again, a masterpiece!

  4. This just screams "Photoshop Contest." Just a thought...

  5. Dispelling Myths.

    Wouldn't that just make a great name for a rockabilly band? Not as such, but listen up anyway. The answers to some of our lingering questions can be found in these links. Basil reveals to us the legend of Itsapundit,...


    Just wanted to express my love & gratitude to all who took the time to post about our 6th Anniversary. TNT was stunned, shocked, and just flat-out blown away by the avalanche of response. Me... Bah. I'm a guy. I...


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