Bonfire Of The Vanities #102

Back in March, I hosted the Bonfire of the Vanities. From what I remember, I enjoyed it. Just goes to show you how unreliable memories are. Not sure what I'm talking about? Well, then. Imagine finding all of these entries in your e-mail box.

I was shocked, surprised, pleased, and frightened by the number of submissions. After I read them, I was simply nauseous.

Oh, by the way, there were four lesbian posts. Some with pictures!

An American Housewife has a secret crush on someone. Someone important. Someone with power. She thinks power is sexy. It looks like Monica Lewinsky has a soul mate in our little Housewife. Which explains why her entry sucks.

Beth of MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy drunk-blogs. And, if you look at the post, you'll see anger, misspellings, rambling sentences, and profanity. In other words, it was just like all of Beth's other posts. And, like all of Beth's posts, it qualifies for the Bonfire.

Andrew Ian Dodge of Dodgeblogium offers a solution to the ubiquitous Crazy Frog ring tone that's all the rage in the UK ... where it hit #1 on the charts! Anyway, the solution is a fun one. And quite clever. And, once again, to find something clever on Dodgeblogium, you have to click on a link to another site.

Brian Epps of Random Numbers decides to write some law. 36 hours of sleep deprivation and an overdose of Shock coffee will cause some really odd writing. Brian called his 10-step plan "a simple solution, and probably a pipe dream." Well, I read it. Or most of it until I fell asleep. So, I wouldn't call it simple, but pipe dream might be more accurate. If you're talking crack pipe.

NOTR of ROFASix found out about the plans for the World Trade Center Memorial to be changed to something other than a 9/11 memorial. So, what did our friend NOTR do? To quote:

I was so sure I HAD a scoop! I quickly wrote it up and published and then started looking around. The story was everywhere. I should have checked the "heavy hitter" blogs before I bothered with it. With the similar wording and ideas, it looks like I copied liberally from the big guys. It ended up being my worst of the week.

You know what? If I had copied from other blogs and acted like it was my own, I'd pretend it was "just a coincidence" too. Don't worry, NOTR. You're secret's safe with us.

Nickie Goomba had a report on the ACLU and conditions at Gitmo. I have to say, after reading that report, I'm thinking some time in Gitmo would be appropriate punishment for Nickie. About 10 years ought to do it.

William Teach of Pirate's Cove has a post in praise of HLA (Hot Lesbian Action). (Lesbian post #1) Reading the post, I began to wonder why it was thought to be Bonfire-worthy. Then I saw the pictures at the bottom. After seeing those, I'm thinking of becoming a lesbian myself.

Jack Cluth of The People's Republic of Seabrook finds word of an STD notification e-mail service. Scary stuff. Jack says "This is why I stay home on weekends...." Reading Jack's stuff, I'm thinking he's been spending too much time home alone, if you know what I mean.

The very next entry in the mailbox (really) was from Macker's World asked "So what's it like for two people to 'play house?'" I'm thinking Macker and Jack, despite being on opposite ends of the political spectrum, have way too much in common.

Spirit Fingers of Give me spirit fingers dammit!! looks at watches. Or watches watches. Or something like that. Anyway, it's about tacky watches. Tacky expensive watches. And I'm wondering why Spirit Fingers knows so much about tacky expensive things. Unless she's tacky and expensive herself?

Elisson of Blog d'Elisson does something stupid, but is not above sharing it with the world. Wow, Elisson, thanks for sharing. I look forward to your next post about breaking a shoelace or getting a papercut. I can hardly wait.

Musings from Brian J. Noggle decides to do the Headlines thing. Not a bad gag, Brian, but here's a hint: In order to play with Headlines, you gotta have more than one. You can count higher than one, right?

Rick Moran of Right Wing Nut House responded to another blog's request to name the top 20 Americans (responding to the Discovery Channel program). Rick was the only blogger dumb enough to actually rank the top 20. Apparently, Rick can write, but reading is a problem.

Point Five's a4g discovered the endless cycle of writing about search engine results. I've been there, dude. And I agree that you should have used "Coprophagia" in the title. All that's missing is a knife and fork.

Kevin from technogypsy shop-blogs. In hindsight, the laptop computer around all that sawdust was not a good idea, was it Kevin?

Ferdinand T. Cat of Conservative Cat was trying to belittle an anti-Clinton story, but somehow still ended up offending a Clinton supporter. While the gist of the post was indeed trashing the story, you really should have been a little more forceful in your comments. Next time, Cat, don't be such a pussy.

At Multiple Mentality, we are treated to beatrix kiddo regaling us with a list of "donts" based upon her recent dates. Little hint, beatrix. If you've had enough experiences that you can create a list, there might be a reason you have experiences like that. That reason can usually be found in the mirror.

Mustang 23 from Assumption of Command celebrates the Army's birthday with movie quotes. Since I'm a former enlisted soldier, it was nice to finally read something worthwhile from an officer. Of course, it took several Hollywood writers over 50 years to do the job.

Kadnine writes about removing a stump. If only someone would write about how to remove the memory of reading that post.

phin of phin's blog writes that he was wishing for some HLA in the form of a pillow fight. (Lesbian post #2) Involving the Bush twins. I'm thinking if his wife reads the post, he'll wind up in the bushes. Or the briers. Of course, if my wife finds out I'm thinking of turning lesbian, I could be in trouble myself.

In another amazing coincidence, The Jawa Report, who had the very next submission, submitted a lesbian post. (Lesbian post #3) After reading it, I'm over my desire to become a lesbian.

Hector Vex's Infotainment Blog enters the Bonfire with a post about a paranoid look at China. It wasn't your typical Hector Vex post, since there were elements of humor in it. In fact, all four of the classic elements appeared. It was written by Hector Vex, who is full of hot air; it contained earth and water, which of course make mud; and is deserving of the Bonfire.

Jeff H of Think Sink submitted one that qualifies for White Trash Wednesday or the Bonfire. And like most of Jeff H's posts, the best part is the comments. If only we could talk him into just posting comments, it'd be the most popular blog on the Internet.

Sean of The American Mind submits an entry that is proof that he can't relate to popular musical taste. Well, I got some news for you Sean. I've read your stuff. Music isn't the only area in which you're deficient in taste.

Mad Anthony discusses the awkward situation of conversing with someone who is not wearing pants. Just keep in mind, Anthony, that his eyes are up there. And we appreciate your honesty in sharing the dilemma with us. When you finally come out of the closet, we'll be here for you, offering our support.

Interested-Participant thought that at least a few folks would be interested in knowing about a pagan lesbian pedophile (Lesbian post #4) who was hired as a teacher. Unfortunately, he picked the same week as the lesbian posts with Angelina Jolie and the Bush twins. Timing is everything.

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Well, this was a blast. Back in March, I said that we needed to do this again. I didn't mean it. And I don't now: We must do this again!

Seriously, I appreciate your stopping by an putting up with my putting down these submissions. Thanks for your patience, understanding ... and forgiveness.