Headline News: 6/28/2005

From ABC News:
Largest Hardee's Franchisee Says No to Paris
Six-Dollar Burger says 'No' to Two-Bit Whore

From ABC News:
Man Missed '96 Olympics After UCLA Dropped Gymnastics
Stupid Gymnist Just Found Out

From ABC News:
Irish Man Fails to Set World Bee Record
Sobered up, realized what he was doing

From ABC News:
Hawaiian Pets Gain Right of Inheritance
Pets neither know nor care about ruling, continue to eat own feces

From ABC News:
Boys' Baseball Team Benched for Being Good
Will grow up to become Republicans, unable to handle success

From ABC News:
When Your Husband Wants to Be Your Wife
... You Might Be A Candidate for The Jerry Springer Show

From ABC News:
Researchers Release Rare Turtles in Ga.
Prefer theirs well done

From ABC News:
Duke Pledges to Hand Over Fluid Sample
Jed Clampett defends: "If ol' Duke's the daddy of them puppies, he'll do right by them"

From ABC News:
Condom Mishaps Spell Trouble for Men
May also be of concern to women

From ABC News:
New Low-Alcohol Wine Targets Women
Perfect for women who need to get just a little bit drunk to get laid