Filthy Lies About Frank J.

Frank J. is the genius behind IMAO, one of the top humor blogs (actually, one of the top blogs, humor or otherwise) on the Web. IMAO was one of the blogs that caught my attention and it's humor gave me reason to come back again and again. As of July 9th, Frank J. will have been blogging for three years. He has made a huge impact on more people than just me; his impact covers the entire blogging world ... at least in his mind. Anyway, as his third anniversaryblogiversary approaches, we sent our crack research staff to find out all they could about Frank J., genius:

FUN FACTS ABOUT FRANK J.

* Frank J.'s real last name is "Fleming," which is similar to "flaming," insofar as it is pronounced the same and has the same meaning.

* The J. stands for "Ward."

* Frank J. named his blog "IMAO" after losing the rights to "Feisty Republican Whore" in a poker game.

* Some bloggers think Frank J. is the Anti-Christ, but they're just jealous.

* Frank J. is actually the Whore of Babylon.

* If you turn your back on Frank J., he will attack you.

* Maybe that's actually SpaceMonkey. I forget.

* Frank J. took up blogging after a short but successful movie career, starring as "Agent Cody Banks."

* Before starring in movies, Frank J. played "Wesley Crusher" on Star Trek: The Next Generation.

* If you stare at Frank J., you can hypnotize him.

* No, that's SpaceMonkey again. Sorry.

* Frank J. is a big believer in the Second Amendment.

* He's not to keen on the Second Commandment, however.

* Frank J. came to Earth as a small child after being fired into space by his scientist parents from the doomed planet of Krypton.

* His parents didn't know their planet was doomed. They just wanted to get rid of Frank J.

* Frank J. lived in Alaska when he was young and helped support his family by modeling for totem poles and hunting Alaskan Snow Monkeys for meat and fur.

* Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane modeled "Chris Griffin" after Frank J., according to the Downing Street Memo.

* Frank J.'s girlfriend is named "Sarah." Frank J. also has a sister named "Sarah." But we're not judging him.

* Frank J. was actually killed in an automobile accident in January 2005, but was replaced by William Campbell. All the clues are available by reading the "In My World" posts backwards.

* William Campbell (AKA Billy Shears) left IMAO in April to become Ambassador to Antarctica. He was replaced by a robot whose voice is provided by Scott McCollum.

* Using the old Krypton rocket, the IMAO crew fired Frank J.'s body into space where it drifted before landing on the Genesis planet. Frank J.'s body was regenerated and eventually returned to Earth by Captain James T. Kirk and crew.

* Frank J. added RightWingDuck and Cadet Happy to the IMAO roster because he needed one person to do yard work and another person to create cool graphics.

* Due to the demands of his own Web site, RightWingDuck has since turn those graphics duties over to Cadet Happy.

* In a fight between Frank J. and Aquaman, to everyone's surprise, Aquaman wins because Frank J. can't swim without water wings. Harvey gets the blog.

* Despite his gruff exterior, Frank J. really loves cute, cuddly kittens. With a hollandaise sause.