Thursday, August 25, 2005

Evil Glenn's Summer Camp

A Filthy LieEvil Glenn Reynolds ™ looked out the window of his car. This looked like it.

"Kevin!" Evil Glenn ™ called.

"Yes, Boss?" came the response from the driver.

"This exit," ordered Evil Glenn ™.

Kevin signaled and turned the vehicle onto the exit ramp. Following Evil Glenn's ™ directions, he drove north for a quarter-mile, then turned right. After crossing the bridge onto Blue Heron Island, it was about 5 miles before the left turn.

"Much longer, Boss?" asked Kevin.

"Patience," came the reply.

Suddenly there it was. Kevin drove through the gate, past the sign: Camp Glynn. *

"We're going to have to fix that spelling," mused Evil Glenn Reynolds ™.

As Evil Glenn Reynolds ™ entered the office building, all activity stopped. The Evil One looked over the staff and smiled. They'd be fun to break, he thought.

Entering the camp office, the man behind the desk stood up and extended his hand. "Mr. Reynolds!"

"Professor," Evil Glenn ™ corrected.

"Yes, of course. Professor Reynolds," he replied. "My name is ..."

"Not important," said Evil Glenn ™ as he moved behind the desk and sat down.

The man awkwardly made his way from behind the desk and sat down in the chair.

"Professor Reynolds, the Woodmen of the World appreciate your generousity with your purchase of this camp. With the money you paid for Camp Glynn, we'll be able to build five new camps," said the Woodmen representative.

"Camp Glenn," Evil Glenn ™ muttered. Then, to Kevin, "What's on the camp schedule next week for the children?"

Kevin opened the folder and read: "Swimming, archery, arts & crafts, baseball, basketball, dancing, rifelry and outdoor programs."

"Hmmm. The arts & crafts have to go," Evil Glenn ™ said.

"And the dancing," offered Kevin ™.

"Dancing!" Evil Glenn ™ cried as he jumped to his feet, and started dancing and singing:
"I'm Glenn Reynolds and it's puppies I drink,
And I like to kill hobos because they stink.
Gotta give props to Satan 'cause he's an evil guy;
It was through his help I became a Communist spy."

Suddenly he stopped, regained his composure, and sat down. "The dancing stays."

Evil Glenn ™ thought for a second. "Swimming. I like swimming. We can put them in with the sharks. That'll be fun. The sharks will be fed. Those that survive will be strong swimmers."

He looked at the next item on the schedule. "Archery will be fun. We'll put them in teams, facing each other. Those with the best aim and quickest reflexes will make it through archery class."

Evil Glenn ™ paused. "We're scratching arts & crafts. But baseball is next. Make sure we have enough kittens, Kevin."

"Yes, Boss," came the reply.

Evil Glenn ™ said, "Basketball? Let's see if we can get Bobby Knight. He'll whip them kids into shape."

He continued. "Let's see. Riflery. Ah, yes. I can teach that. Where's my .30-06?"

"In your backpack, Boss," Kevin replied.

"So, it is," said Evil Glenn ™. "And outdoor activities. That'll be fun. We can teach them how to trap puppies!"

"OK, Boss, I got it all written down," said Kevin.

Evil Glenn Reynolds ™ smiled. He reached into his bag and felt around. "Ah, here it is," he said as he pulled out the whimpering puppy.

He opened his other bag, pulled out his blender, walked over to the table near the wall, and plugged it in.

As he opened the blender and deposited the puppy inside and threw the switch, he turned to the horrified Woodmen representative.

"Drink?" he asked.


  1. Bahng Chicka Bonck Beow

    Today's dose of NIF - News, Interesting & Funny ... Workie-too-much Friday

  2. Love the song. I bet it rocks too!

  3. Fitch:
    You must be thinking of .

  4. ???
    Nope. I was referring to this:
    "I'm Glenn Reynolds and it's puppies I drink,
    And I like to kill hobos because they stink.
    Gotta give props to Satan 'cause he's an evil guy;
    It was through his help I became a Communist spy."

    Could you make your links a little harder to follow. I mean it's too obvious to link an entire enormous period. ;)

  5. Ah! I see. The lyrics from Frank J.'s song. Gotcha. Sorry, I just copied them from his post, added the link to the post. Sorry for going brain-dead.


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