Headline News: 8/5/2005

From ABC News:
AOL Buys Online Storage Company
Company acquires a place to hide Steve Case's body

From ABC News:
Getting Rid of Cellulite
Dump her fat ass

From ABC News:
Muslim-Themed 'Beurger King' Opens
Jihad Your Way ^SM

From ABC News:
Ind. Couple Want to Wed in Cemetery
Family calls it a grave mistake

From ABC News:
UPS Deliveryman Discovers Python in Truck
Terry Gilliam: "I was just asking for a ride"

From ABC News:
Uganda says cause of Garang death unclear
Not ready to classify his assassination as murder

From ABC News:
US scientists find flexible stem cells in placenta
Couldn't remember where they had put them

From ABC News:
Mutant Mice Carry Diseases to Help Humans
Will spread disease to attacking Martians

From CNN:
Police: Soldier kills Arab commuters
Called 'terrorist,' Arab killers called 'martyrs'

From CNN/SI:
NCAA bans Indian mascots at tournaments
Mascots call NCAA 'Heap big wuss'