Basil's Blog: Christmas Fruitcake Recipe

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Christmas Fruitcake Recipe

What with everyone getting all done up for the holidays and getting ito the Chrsi8tmas spirot, I thought it'd be a good thing for met o share my world famous fruitcake recipe.

Now, them folks over up in Claxton are rpoud of their fruitcakes. But you know what? those that's in the know drives all the wya over here for Cousin Red's Famous Fruitcakes.

I used to do these every year. But things happened and I ain't made one for a spell now. So, excuse me while I try to remember the recipe. In fact, I'm going to cook one up right now and rithw about at here.

Here's what you need:

a cup of water (from the tap, no bottled stuff)

a cup of Dixie Chrystals sugar

four large chicken eggs

two cups of dried fruit (you can find this at the Piggly Wiggly)

a teaspoon of Arm & Hammer baking soda

a teaspoon of Morton salt

a cup of brown sugar (brand don't matter(

lemon juice (you can use that ReaLemon stuff if you must)

nuts (I like pecans, but you can use walnuts)

a bottle of whiskey (whiskey may be replaced with your favorite adult beverage of choice. Don't use beer. Trust me.)

Directions:

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl.

Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.

Turn off the mixer.

Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.

Check the whiskey.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven.

Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whiskey again and go to bed.