One of the president's biggest problems -- as Obama sees it -- is the prison at Guantanamo Bay (GTMO). And he is right about this: GTMO is a public relations issue for the U.S. Of course, he is one of the ones that made it a PR issue. But, the fact remains, it is an issue.
He wants to close GTMO, but he has no clue on what to do about the detainees there.
The president needs help.
And I'm here to help.
Putting our differences aside, I have the solution to the GTMO "problem."
Let's simply announce we've released everybody from GTMO -- released them back in the countries where we found them. We don't actually release anyone; just say we did.
It's not like Obama is above telling a little White Lie. Or, in his case, a Half-White Lie. Since he'll lie to the American people, he should have no problem lying to non-Americans, like the French, the Iranians, the Iraqi, the Canadians, the Germans, the MSNBC news anchors... We just tell them all that we have released the detainees, and we don't know, or care, what happened to them after that.
The next thing to do is wait a week while they go all ga-ga over the "release" -- then we announce that we've expanded the Air Force Flight Test Center (Detachment 3) research facility at Groom Lake (you might know it as "Groom Lake" or "Area 51") and have converted the facility at GTMO to military research.
Again, that would be only a Half-White Lie, since we would be researching. Only we'd be researching terrorists. With water.
Groom Lake is very secure because of the nature of the testing that occurs there. You can't just go there. Reporters can't just go there. Don't believe me? Try it.
And here's the best part: tell Joe Biden that the research being done there is related to the aliens that crashed at Roswell. He can't keep his mouth shut, so he'll start that rumor. And the people that support Obama are the same kind of people that believe aliens crashed at Roswell, so it would fit their preconceived notions. Everything will take care of itself.
There you are, Mr. President. You have your solution to your GTMO "problem."
- The facility continues functioning as-is
- The research and alien cover story explains why no one can go there to verify anything