Thursday, February 4, 2010

Dept of Depts Dept ... and not much more news

From the Odd Even When Not Taken Out Of Context Dept.
SHE: I got mustard on my log. ME: (silence)

From the Proud Uncle Dept.
Newspaper article of my niece being crowned Miss Wayne County (GA) last Saturday night is here

From the Too Much Personal Information Dept.
Men: If, during a doctor's appointment, he pulls out the rubber gloves, run. Run like the wind.

I had a doctor's visit, following up recent visits. I was sick enough to miss some days at work. I'm better now, but had this final visit. He went over a series of tests -- a really long list, as it turned out -- and for each of them, said the results were either excellent or normal.

Now, if you've ever met me -- or heck, even if you only saw me from a distance -- you'd be surprised at that. I'm old -- my 50th birthday is a thing of the past -- and overweight -- 185 pounds was a long time ago -- and in excellent shape? That's what he said. He's also at a loss to explain why.

So, it appears I'm as healthy as a horse. In fact, I have an appointment scheduled with the glue factory.

But about those rubber gloves... he did ask me a series of questions, including how well I sleep, and whether or not I have to get up in the night to urinate.

I admitted that it's common for me to get up around 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning to go pee. That's when he broke out the rubber gloves, and started opening the drawer where he keeps the lubricant.

He did his bit, much to my displeasure. And, afterward, he had some more questions. That's when it came out that I often drink several glasses of tea or bottles of water between supper and bedtime. He determined that, because of the amount of fluids I drink at night, it's probably reasonable for me to get up at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning to pee.

So, men, here's one final piece of advice: if your doctor asks you if you wake up to pee, and you drink lots of fluids before bedtime, tell the doctor before he goes spelunking. You'll thank me later.

If all this hasn't discouraged you from doing so, consider following me on the Twitter:


  1. You know you are past due for a colonoscopy (sp?) don't ya? If yes, be assured that the procedure is not unpleasant because you don't remember a thing afterwards. The only thing that concerned me was how the hell I got dressed and wound up at the front door.

  2. Yeah, the doctor mentioned that. He told me to expect a phone call setting up an appointment.

    I'm thrilled about it. Wait, that's not the word.


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