Headline News: 5/30/2005

From ABC News:
Fire Allegedly Set to Get Guests to Leave
It worked

From ABC News:
Devils Steaming Over Criticism of Name
Will change name, strike fear in hearts of opponents as The New Jersey Fluffy Kittens

From ABC News:
Rev. Who Denied God Exists Back in Pulpit
Democrats to try same strategy, replace Howard Dean with Rush Limbaugh

From ABC News:
57-Year-Old's Prom Night Better Late Than Never
Voted by class Most Likely To Tell Classmates To Get Off His Damn Lawn

From ABC News:
France and Europe reel from loud French 'No'
Didn't know what they were voting on, just wanted to tell someone 'No!'

From CNN:
Cell phone ring tone tops Britain singles chart
From the once-great country that gave us The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, & The Who ... the next sign of the Apocalypse

From ABC News:
Alcohol harms women's brains faster than men's
Only because women use theirs

From ABC News:
Are Child Abuse and Meth Use Linked?
Is Study Expected To Show That Meth Addicts Are Excellent Parents?

From ABC News:
Researchers Pinpoint Brain's Sarcasm Sensor
Mine is located in area between the ears

From ABC News:
NYC Mayoral Candidates Learning Spanish
Wants to know what 'cabeza de la mierda' means