Friday, May 27, 2005

How To Be A Dumbass II

Sometimes you have to work at being a dumbass. Sometimes, it just comes easy. I'm one of those fortunate few that it comes easy to. But, for those that need to work at it, I offer these tips so that, you, too, can be a dumbass.
  1. Blog about stuff and don't remember what you wrote.
  2. It's always better if you blog about something that made national news. That way, your forgetting about it makes you a bigger dumbass.
  3. When you run across something that refers to the national story you wrote about and forgot, try to be a smartass. That way, you're an even bigger dumbass.

I hope these tips are helpful enough as they are. But, if an example would help, here are actual e-mails that I received, and my response e-mails.

From: *******
Date: Tue, 24 May 2005 21:01:30 EDT
Subject: kevin
To: *******

uh excuse you but i really like kevin and i want to get with him and I'm not going to let u mess it up. if he wants dinner ,its with me.I'm the only girl to be with him, oh,and tell him to e-mail me please.

This just showed up one day in my e-mail box. I figured she had the wrong e-mail address. Being the helpful individual I am, I responded:
From: *******
Date: Wed, 25 May 2005 00:35:17 -0400
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

Next time he's here for dinner, I'll give him the message.

Cute, huh? Well, no, I guess not. Still, it helped to pass the time on Tuesday night. Anyway, I thought that might end it. I was wrong.
From: *******
Date: Wed, 25 May 2005 18:23:22 EDT
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

He wont be there for dinner.

Short and to the point. So, I responded in kind.
From: *******
Date: Wed, 25 May 2005 20:33:34 -0400
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

Breakfast, then.

I was starting to enjoy this. In the meantime, I used an AOL account to find out who she was. But, regarding this issue, I expected more e-mail. I wasn't disappointed.
From: *******
Date: Wed, 25 May 2005 22:36:29 EDT
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

not breakfast either hes all mine

She's worried an old fart will take him? I, on the other hand, wanted to come clean.
From: *******
Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 06:49:37 -0400
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

Well, that was fun.

You want to tell me what all this was about now? Am I missing something?

An actual useful question. Or so I thought.
From: *******
Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 16:41:39 EDT
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

yes,im sorry i was so rude. i just wanted 2 be the only girl that liked kevin. hes just so cute. please tell him to e mail me.

Still at a loss what all this is about.
From: *******
Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 16:53:22 -0400
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

Actually, I'm wanting to know who Kevin is. And why you think I'm a girl.

Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe I can't ask the right questions.
From: *******
Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 17:16:31 EDT
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

i dont know why i thought u were a girl.but can u tell him 2 email me?

She's getting a clue. I'm still clueless.
From: *******
Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 17:19:03 -0400
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

I still don't even know who Kevin is.

I thought this was a valid quetion.
From: *******
Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 17:23:18 EDT
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

its a dude that was on his lunchbreak one day and his mom called him from iraq.he got suspended 4 being on his cell phone at school.the teacher tried to take the phone from him and they hung up on his mom.are u a dude?

The light goes off! I understand things now.
From: *******
Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 17:39:41 -0400
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

Oh. That Kevin. Gotcha. My bad for not making the connection.

And, since I did not make that connection, I was completely at a loss concerning the e-mails you sent.

I have not had the pleasure to meet the young man, but I may see one of the news reporters at the baseball game tonight. If so, I'll ask about him and let them know of your request.

And, as for me, that really is my picture at the top of the Blog. It's quite an old picture, but it is me.

Again, my apologies for not understanding the nature of the e-mails.

I've been a smartass. Now, I'm exposed as a dumbass.
From: *******
Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 17:42:29 EDT
Subject: Re: kevin
To: *******

Thank you, u dont have to apologize either,just remember my e mail address and tell him

I haven't seen anyone at the game yet who can help with this. I'll keep looking. In the mean-time, just think: Follow this simple example, and you too could be proclaimed a dumbass!

17 comments:

  1. OT, but when are you going to update the Alliance of Communist Blogs?

    just when i was enjoying my status of "under investigation" or something like that, nothing.

    just like a Democrat. make accusations, then flee.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Here's a new slogan for you basil:

    basil: Making puppy love happen whenever possible.

    OR

    basil: Teenage match maker.

    ReplyDelete
  3. moehawk:
    The answer might disappoint you, then. But, the answer deserves its own post. Look for a full, complete answer Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Chris:
    Wow. Now I have a line of work to fall back on.

    If I can only find a wav or midi file of "Matchmaker" from "Fiddler on the Roof" ...

    ReplyDelete
  5. What were we talking about? I forgot.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That is just bizarre! OMGLOLOLMAOROTFLWTFCBS!!!1!111!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. William Teach:
    Dude, you got me. Although I now know who Queenmenyonn was talking about, I'm still a dumbass. I think that was my point. But I'm not sure.

    ReplyDelete
  8. WTF:
    I couldn't have said it better.

    In fact, next time I go on vacation, I'm going to blackmail you in to guest-blogging for me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Glad you documented the email conversation here so when someone (FBI) comes knocking on your door to see what male adult was emailing an under age female we can come to your defense. ;-) But then again, I suppose that's not a crime, just emailing. It's not like you were...well..you know.

    Now, talk about being a dumbass. I made the all time cardinal sin of doing a trackback over at Beth's, accidentally mind you, but that's know excuse because she has stated over and over again about her rules for trackbacking. But did I remember? Hell no, I just got so damned excited about seeing one of her posts and wanted to trackback to it, but I had already written my entry at my blog BEFORE I saw her article..Ok I'm loosing everyone here.

    The point is I was a dumbass for trackbacking to one of her posts and I have sense put up a public apology at my site.

    So, glad to hear I'm not the only dumbass. I just love calling myself a dumbass.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Trackbacking WITHOUT giving HER a link at my place. See always the dumbass not explaining myself clear enough.

    ReplyDelete
  11. American Housewife:
    TrackBack error? With Beth? Arrghh! That must have hurt for a week.

    A site did a TrackBack to me the other day and didn't include a link (an honest mistake) and I ruffled some feathers with them. I imagine the smoke would just now be beginning to clear if she had been the offended party!

    But, I digress. Yes, we are all dumbasses from time to time. Some of us (me) more than others.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Don't tell basil

    psst. y'all don't tell basil, but I'm the 14 year old girl he was chatting with the other night....

    ReplyDelete
  13. basil is a ...

    basil is a ... well I will let him explain.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I hope this isn't a trend. If we're expected to set up dates for the people involved in the stories we blog about, I'm going to need a fat, drunken olympic swimmer to set up with Teddy Kennedy.

    ReplyDelete

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