Wednesday, April 11, 2007


I like going to Chili's. The Wife does, too.

Or did.

But, after my last two visits to Chili's, I'm not sure that I'll be going there anymore.

Let me tell you what happened.

A couple of weeks ago, a group of us went to Chili's. A large group. Actually, more than could fit at a table. Comfortably, that is.

All the chairs were lined up right next to each other. So, we were sitting close to each other. Real close.

Now, the group was mostly women. There were a few of us fellows there. But, basically, it was a large group of women ... and a few men. The Wife wasn't one of the women, by the way. She had a conflict and couldn't go.

So, they sat us down, crowded almost on top of each other, and started taking our orders and bringing our drinks.

And the waitress ... or server, if you prefer ... was doing her best to get everything to everyone as quickly as possible. And, in order to do that, she'd position herself for maximum delivery of items at one time.

And that meant, among other places, to my immediate right.

Now, the waitress was as nice as could be. And friendly. Real friendly. Probably more friendly than she intended.

You see, if I leaned to the left, I was crowding the lady on my left. And that seemed wrong.

If I leaned to the right, I was crowding the lady on my right. And that seemed wrong.

So, I sat real still when things needed to happen. Only that seemed wrong, too. Especially when the waitress stuck her tit in my ear. And did it again. And again.

You see, she'd deliver a glass of water or something, lean in to place it, and her tit would be in my ear. I'd lean to the left slightly, but then I'm leaning on the lady to my left. So, I didn't lean to the left very far, just a little. And that gave the waitress more room to reach in.

And she did. Which pressed her tit into my ear again.

And she'd get another glass, and deliver it. And there'd go the tit in the ear.

And, because of the positioning of the table, she couldn't go to the other side. Instead, she had to deliver to them from our side. Specifically, reaching three diners while positioned at my right. And that meant her tit in my ear each time.

Now, I've never had that problem. Sure, I've delivered food to tables. But I've never stuck a tit in anyone's ear. Partly because I'm over 6 feet tall. Partly because I don't have tits.

And, no, I wasn't sticking anything else in anyone.

But, I'm sure the waitress was doing her best and trying to be as polite as possible under the very crowded circumstances.

But that was not the most recent trip to Chili's.

The most recent, we had a 25-minute wait to be seated. Just the Wife and me. And there were 4 tables for two available the whole time. But, no, they had us wait.

Until a booth came open.

I wasn't happy. The Wife wasn't happy. But we figured they were not seating at those tables because of staffing issues or something.

Until they sat another couple at one of those table.

That's when we figured they were waiting on a seat big enough for our fat asses.

So, although the food service was fine, and the food was great, the Wife was overall unhappy and might not want us to go back any time soon.

I, on the other hand, have nothing against Chili's.

Except my right ear.


  1. Hmmm, seems like you were back in a hurry! And are you sure you weren't more disappointed about the table because there wouldn't be a server leaning over you? Btw, how big is your ear?? lol Thanks for the laugh!

  2. I don't like the food there all that much. But it sounds like the show makes it all worthwhile. Dinner and a lap/ear dance. I hope you left a nice tip.

  3. OMG! I horse laughed all over this!!! You crack me up! You are an excellent writer, I was RIGHT THERE WITH YOU at Chili's and saw the whole thing happen!

    And for the record, basil and wife do NOT have fat asses. I know this, I have met them in person. They are both little hotties!!!

  4. LOL...that was a great story basil. It's a good thing you weren't eating at a Hooters restaurant when that happened.

  5. who gives a fuck. who gives a fuck about ur analayis on getting ur goddamn ear fucked a bunch of times. my little brother got laid at 11 yrs old faster than u could order. basil.... ur a herb....right? dude. ur riddles r a waiste of time and making people like me wish we had an infinite supply of golds, or a hang rope. dude, seen u somewhere else, ur bored. or u dont really belieive in ur view of life that.....dry humour of seeing life as its thrown out. seriously. u isolate urself, thats why ur the only one at sea wth true beliefs? right? what if u just havnt realized that that dark destroying, turning, point, 4 some or 4 ones who knew it all their life, live or c it that way ,or its all they know. anyways. if im sure ur wife would hve told the ear titting server to suck on the back end of her highheel shoe if she was there. i would. but if she was incredibly hot, um, ya, gotta not thnk and let it play its course. no worries. still hate life the next day, right?

  6. You mixing your medications again? Your doctors told you about that.

  7. dude. i told u again and again..... stop making it ur buiness to kno everything in my personal life.

  8. oh ur not the other basil guy on the almost every website with the same shitty personality that u have 2 make people like me find time 2 enjoy places like the d and v or an outlet shopping mall or the bottom of a jack daniels bottle. a big one.

  9. The other Basil guy? An imposter.

  10. u say it, then i believe u. sorry.


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