Monday, April 2, 2007

Dealing With Cats

Cats hate vacuum cleaners.

If you're like me, and your wife wishes you would use the vacuum cleaner, you can make her wishes come true -- and get the cat out of the house -- all at the same time.

This cat that's took up residence here ... the one that's learned to scratch on the front door when she hears a sound emanating from inside the house ... used to be skittish about coming inside.

And I was fine with that.

You see, I'm not an "indoor cat" person.

Cats have claws. And teeth fit for eating creatures that live outside. Cats should be outside.

Cats don't have opposable thumbs. They shouldn't be on the inside of a door.

At least, that's how I think.

But the Wife thinks differently. She's just fine with a cat crawling around inside the house, sitting on the furniture, climbing up on the bed ... until it does that at 4:00 AM and sticks its cat ass in her face.

I'm thinking the cat should be outside. But I've done a bad thing. I've let the cat come inside to eat. Because others animals in the neighborhood will come up on the porch and take her food.

So, I've taken to bringing the cat inside to eat.

She was a little skittish at first. But she got over it soon enough. Now she likes to come inside all the time.

And getting her outside isn't always the easiest thing to do.

Until I remembered she doesn't like the vacuum cleaner. I mean, she's a cat.

But the Wife thinks turning the vacuum cleaner on and watching the cat head for the door is mean.

It might be. But I'm not going to chase her around the house. I'm getting too old for that.

So, the Wife makes sure the cat goes outside. Or I break out the vacuum cleaner.

But when the cat's inside, she's picked up a bad habit.

She knows the cat food is kept in the kitchen. So, she'll go into the kitchen.

As much as I don't like cats in the house, I really don't like cats in the kitchen. And I've been looking for a way to keep her out.

A friend who had an inside cat mentioned that her cat hates aluminum foil. So, I put a piece of aluminum foil on the floor a the door (actually, entrance, since there's not a door there).

Sure enough, the cat won't walk on the aluminum foil.

She jumps over it.

So, while keeping the cat out of the house is not really feasible (since I do let her in to eat), keeping the cat out of the kitchen is still a goal.

Monday, while I was home sick, I got up to eat about noon. And went into the kitchen to make some soup. And I heard scratching at the door.

I looked over and saw that the cat still had food from the morning, when the Wife had fed her before work. So, I let the cat in to eat the morning's leftovers. Then I went into the kitchen to fix some soup.

From a can.

The cat apparently thinks all cans are for her. They aren't.

The cat came into the kitchen. I told her to get out. She ignored me. So, I was washing my hands again, and it occurred to me that cats don't like water.

So, I took my wet hands out from the sink, and flicked them at her.

The drops flew in a scatter from my fingertips, some hitting the cat, and she decided to leave the kitchen.

There's a catch, though, that I need to let you know about if you decide to do the same thing.

Water droplets will fall where they may. Some will hit the cat. Others won't. And those that don't hit the cat, will hit the floor.

At least, the water drops hit my kitchen floor.

And stayed there.

Until I stepped on them.

Wet kitchen floors can be slippery. Keep that in mind.

I will from now on.


  1. My dog won't go in the kitchen anymore. Same reason.

    So opposable thumbs huh?

    So cats and dogs belong outside but monkeys are okay for the house?

  2. I'm with you; cats are not for indoors! My kids were brought up with pets on the outside - BOTH of them now have pets on the inside! All I can think about, when a cat is in the house,is cat hair flies- gets in things, and sticks to everything BLACK! And, I wear plenty of that.

    Our problem here is squirrels. There is one that likes one of our bedroom windows. We have a storm window down because of a burglary and they broke it and it hasn't been replaced. Well, this squirrel is slowly but surely eating our window and window sill! Do you think he wants in? :)

  3. Lol--see what happens when you're not nice! Are you saying you hit the floor? Hope you're okay!

    All cats answer the call of the can opener! I can just pop a lid on one and mine go bonkers!

  4. Ow! My first cat ran across my father's foot once to avoid the indignity of an airborne exit ... Anyhow, you know those big green veins just under the skin? Well, my cat liked to move when she felt the need, and to do that, she needed to dig her claws in for purchase. Went right through dad's vein like a knife through butter. She saw what she'd done, and exited the open door on her own. Stayed out all day too.

    What I mean to say is, I feel for you.

  5. Oh yeah. Our house had cats in it for over 40 years before we moved in. male cats. There was cat hair in teh joints of the cupboards. And male cats, well, they smell.

  6. You seriously need to chill out. Cats sleep 16 hours a day - they usually find a cubby hole and sleep. I don't understand people who freak out over animals, dogs or cats, being inside - unless the dog isn't potty trained. Remember - its an animal. If my cat is being rude I let him sniff my soup - no he doesn't put his mouth on it - one sniff and they decide that they don't like THAT and go on their way. This doesn't work with meat of any kind or milk. I'm not that stupid.

    Seriously though. Chill

  7. I need to chill? How about you need to kiss my ass?

    Your point about "it's an animal" is well understood. It's an animal. It belongs in its environment ... outside.

    I don't want the darn cat in the house. I darn sure don't want the cat in the kitchen. I'm the human. What I want counts.

    Oh, and if you want to do an anonymous drive-by ... why don't you go do it where your ilk is appreciated. I'm not sure where that is, but it isn't here.

  8. perhaps, had you (YOU)(BASIL) not bought the cat 84 pouches/cans of assorted cat food, and kept them on the kitchen table, and 14 kitty toys, and a kitty condo, and a LITTER BOX for inside the house,and the heating pad for those oh so cold nights outside in the pet taxi/cat house, and assorted kitty treats, then perhaps, PERHAPS, she would not feel SO comfortable in YOUR HOME, which she now believes to be HER HOME, where you invited/ inticed her to come. oh and BTW our Pearlie just had 5 beautiful kittens in my (snuffies) HOME which is also her HOME, and we were there the whole time for her, every step of the way, and this is where she shall remain until she is ready to move along. so, we concur with ANON, you do in fact need to CHILL OUT. love, the sissies


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