Headline News: 4/5/2005

From ABC News:
Britney Spears to Star in Reality Series
Based on Kirstie Alley's series, to be called "Fat Skank"

From ABC News:
Norwegian Job Ad Seeks Friendly Vikings
Duante Culpepper secures off-season work

From ABC News:
Police Offer Reward in Horse Tail Thefts
Horse's Ass robs horse's asses

From ABC News:
Mich. Police Hunt for Menacing Turkeys
Chef from South Park, Colorado offers to help, cites previous experience

From ABC News:
Bats Bite Two at University of Florida
The Undead Roam The Campus In Gainesville; Vampires Also Sighted

From ABC News:
Bush Says Social Security Trust Fund a Fiction
Just like his election

From ABC News:
Iraqi Parliament Set to Name Kurd as New President
To Replace Turd Who Served From 1979-2003

From ABC News:
Cardinals Meet to Prepare for Papal Vote
Astros confused by news, skip batting practice

From ABC News:
Soviet, German War Dead Found 60 Years After Battle
Bush blamed

From ABC News:
Africa spurns female circumcision
Females not too keen on it either