Thursday, September 8, 2005

International Instapundit

A Filthy LieEvil Glenn Reynolds™ smiled as he finished the BabelPundit software. That was the working title of the software. It would work. He was sure of it. And it would expand his role as Dark Overlord of the Internet™.

With his new software, he would be able to translate any word -- any word at all -- into any language.

Sure, Google and Alta Vista both had utilities that would do that. Sort of. They did an okay job, but not a great job. And there were many, many words that did not translate. And that was his secret: He could translate any word, any phrase into any language. Perfectly.

Evil Glenn™ took his latest post and pasted it into the BabelPundit software and clicked "print."

He then walked over to the bound and gagged form of the head of the French department at the University. He lifted the hood, removed the gag, and shoved the two pages in front of the man's face.

"Translate it. Now!" Evil Glenn™ said.

The man looked at the two pages and said, "The translation is correct."

"Even the 'Indeed™'" asked Evil Glenn™.

"Yes," the man replied.

Evil Glenn™ howled with glee at his success. InstaPundit would now rule all languages in all the world!

The next morning, Evil Glenn Reynolds™ typed "InstaPundit" into his new software package. He froze.

"Farting Weasel" came the translation into French.

Evil Glenn™ slowly changed the selection to German and clicked "Translate."

"Liver of the Chicken" came the translation.

He tried several languges and was horrified by each result.

In Spanish, "InstaPundit" returned "Smelly Genitals." In Russian, "Navel Lint." In Korean, "Rat Blood." In Greek, "Love Slave."

It continued that way for hours, it seemed. Finally, a defeated Evil Glenn Reynolds™ turned off his computer, placed his head in his hands, and began sobbing.

The Bird of Prey sat in Earth orbit, the crew busy with preparations to decloak and head back to the Klingon home world.

The commander finished his log. "This planet is so infested with weak creatures that call themselves 'Hu-Man' that while we could easily defeat them, we could not disinfect this planet enough to raise families here. Commander Klaang out."

He stood and addressed his second-in-command. "Warp speed, now!"

As the ship decloaked and headed out of the solar system, Klaang stood.

"I'll be back in a minute," he said. "I have to go take an Instapundit."

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please choose a Profile in "Comment as" or sign your name to Anonymous comments. Comment policy