The interview panel is ready...
Let's get this party started...
How do you think your life would have been different had your father not died when you were so young? Do you think you would have become a farmer?
I don't know for sure, but I'd have probably been farming. My dad bought and farmed the land that my grandfather had rented, and he and my uncle would help out on each others farms, with my grandfather coming over, too. My cousins and siblings were young, but we all had been planning on doing the same.
How would my life have been different? I really don't know, I can only imagine. Thing is, to wish that he didn't get killed is to wish that I was another person... and to wish knowing all of you away. I'd rather it never happened, but it's shaped me and made me who I am today.
Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Ummmm... what do you mean? Seriously, that's my brother's copyrighted excuse. I don't have one...
Do any alcohol companies own stock in you?
No... I haven't sold myself out. Yet. But that may be a good idea...
Do you ever scare yourself at times?
No... I'm usually too busy scaring others.
Have you ever knocked someone unconscious?
Nah... but I did knock my buddy loopy for quite a few minutes, my first and only time sparring. Luckily, we were wearing headgear. He'd have been out for sure. I felt like a schmuck, but I kinda felt good about it, too... I had pulled my punch, and it still rocked him.
What is your view on the currant status in Iraq?
I believe that we belong there, and we belong there until the job is finished. I believe that we really are making a difference, and a positive one at that. Not all is going to be good news, but I don't believe much of the good is being heard, except through milblogs. MSM is hung up on the negatives, for the most part. Not something that I usually blog about.
How many bloggers have you met?
Almost 70... I think about 67 or 68.
How many bloggers have you met, that you like?
A few shy of 70.
What do you miss about Illinois?
Fritz's, family, friends... and my bike. I miss how the temperature actually changes during the day, and the humidity actually goes away at times.
What do you enjoy the most about Florida?
Outstanding sunsets, and watching the awesome afternoon thunderstorms roll in. And some of the scenery is pretty damned nice, too.
Top Five favorite bands
Hmmmm... this changes almost constantly, but some of my all time favorites, in no particular order, are:
- Iron Maiden
- Johnny Cash
- Metallica (before "Blow" and "Reblow")
- Stevie Ray Vaughan
- Oingo Boingo
- Early Van Halen... especially Fair Warning
- Machine Head
- Corrosion of Conformity
- Local H
Oops... more than five. I can't narrow it down much more. Okay, okay, okay... currently: Clutch, Fear Factory, SRV, COC, and Johnny Cash.
Top five favorite songs.
Damn... this is hard. I'm not a lyrics person, usually, so I just go by music. And depending on what has just happened, or my mood, it changes constantly. It also has to do with memories... what was going on, or who I was hanging out with when I was listening to it, or heard it the first time. Tonight, I'd have to say:
- Clutch, Gravel Road
- Ministry, Jesus Built My Hot Rod
- Oingo Boingo, Dead Man's Party
- Johnny Cash, Tennessee Flat Top Box
- SRV, In The Open
And don't forget the ever present Chicken Polka... that is a timeless classic. A piece of musical genius.
What is your number 1 drunken wisdom you'd freely give to bloggers?
Uh... not sure. I'm not drinking right now. I'd say one thing... unless you want to see me bounce offa the walls, it would be wise not to buy me vodka.
Are you drunk all the time?
Only when I've had too much to drink...
Have you ever attended (by choice or by force) an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting?
What is your favorite alcoholic beverage?
I'd have to say that beer is my favorite, overall. I enjoy plenty of spirits, but I always enjoy beer.
How much can you drink before getting drunk?
I don't know... I do know that I'm not a cheap drunk anymore. Practice has made perfect. Well... it's made perfect even more perfecter. My guess is that I usually need close to a twelve pack before I feel a buzz...
Do you answer all prayers or only the ones specifically sent up specifically to Jeebus while imbibing much liquor?
It's best to pray in the presence of an imbibing Jeebus... I work around an ultrasonic cleaner alot, and it messes up my hearing for the long range requests.
How come you haven't answered that one I sent up about a week ago? ;-)
It was the cleaner. I wasn't sure that was an actual prayer... it sounded like a test. I could have sworn you were saying, "Jeebus... sibilance, sibilance... check, check."
What is your dream motorcycle?
For riding around town, or riding cross country? For riding around town, I'd love to have something that Billy Lane or Jesse James had built, but I'd really like to have something like that, that I had built with my brothers. For riding cross country, I think I'd like to have an Ultra Classic Harley... an old man bike, but you can put on some serious miles. R and I are going to do a four corners ride in the (hopefully near) future. That's not the southwestern four corners... it's the four corners of the lower forty eight. And we are going to do it in under two weeks. You need a comfy bike to ride that much...
Share with us your most embarrassing moment. Enquiring minds want to know!
Embarassing moment? Me? That would be when I returned the fumble 66 yards... the wrong way. I thought I had scored a touchdown, but really, I had scored a safety for the 49ers. Wait... that wasn't me.
Other than a couple of cases of mistaken identity, I can't think of any right now...
What is your favorite quote and why?
Not sure... I like to say, "Takes all kinds to make the world go down," or "Small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it (Steven Wright)," or "You can't have everything... where would you put it? (Steven Wright)" Also, "Outside a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read. (Groucho Marx)" Why? Because they're all true...
What is your favorite cartoon and why?
Another hard question... I really like the early Loony Tunes. They weren't made for kids... Of the newer shows, I like SpongeBob, Angry Beavers, Cow and Chicken, and Dexter's Laboratory. Quality toons.
Besides skydiving, what else would you like to do that is dangerous?
I'd like to go to go to Kodiak Island, bowhunting for a Kodiak bear... that might be considered dangerous.
Jack or Jose?
Jack or Jose?
Bud or Miller?
Oh... I think I understand this line of questioning, now. Amber Bock is a Bud product, and I've been drinking Bud Select since I've been down here. I'm almost used to it. I haven't had any Miller products in a while, but I do loves me some Icehouse. I'd have to go with BEER on this one.
Chardonnay or Merlot?
If you could only drink one type of beer for the rest of time - what would it be?
Most likely Guinness.
So, now that you have met 99% of the bloggers in the US, what's your next blogging goal?
I've still got a ways to go, in order to catch Eric and Zonker. These guys really are the ambassadors of the blogosphere. Other than catching them, my next blogging goal would be to hook up with Alex and Sally, and Nugget and Silk... Paul and Debbie. I would also like to be able to actually write.
Salma Hayek or Melissa Theuriau? (Left Jen off because, well, that's just too obvious)
Gotta go with Salma... curvier.
Describe your dream Harley.
It'd probably be a Road Glide, with the frame stretched out a bit. It'd have a six or seven gallon tank, so I could blast through a couple of hundred miles without having to stop. S&S carb would supply the fuel to the powerhouse. Engine would be a stage two modification, with heads shaved, and preferably the same cam that's in my current bike. Thunderheaders would announce my arrival. Custom paint... and black powdercoating over most chrome. Tour pack would be there on big trips, but stashed away most of the time.
So if you're driving and the sky is dark with clouds, no sun at all - how the hell do you know which direction you're going? And no CHEATING. No Compass!!!
Other than things looking right, there are these handy little things that help out. Known as "signs," these little helpers let you know in which direction you are headed. They're pretty cool.
In that same vein, were you BORN with a flippin' GPS implant or did you just develop it over time?
I think it's always been there, though I will admit, I have been off. I once thought I was heading east, and it was actually east-northeast. I felt so lost...
Would you be willing to be the Marine that posed Nekkid?
I'd be willing. But, nobody wants to see that... trust me.
If you could have one wish (and just one) granted what would it be and why?
I'd wish for world peace, and happiness for every living thing. Bwahahahahah! NOT!!! I'd like to win one of the big lotteries' big jackpots. Why? I could hook up family and peeps. And I'd travel... there are bars everywhere that I need to see.
What is the very first thing you ever remember doing?
Dottin' the doctors eye after he smacked my cute little newborn buttocks. Um... really? I remember climbing the silo when I was three, and the beating that followed.
If you had the chance you would you rather meet, Drew Carey or bin Laden? Why?
I'd rather meet Carey, because I like to have a good time meeting folks. The guy's got a great sense of humor.
Though, it may be a good time seeing how much damage my fists could inflict on bin Laden...
Ok, ok, ok....
You're standing in front of a closed door. Your heart is pounding, your palms are sweaty, your breath is ragged. Slowly you reach out and grasp the door knob. The door swings open.
What do you see?
Jennifer Aniston standing there holding a sign that reads, "Forget Vince... I want YOU, T1G!!!" And right behind her, is Salma Hayak, holding a sign that says, "I want you, too, T1G! Sharing with Jen is no problem!!!"
Or was it supposed to be a scary thing? That would be a large snake, dressed as a door to door salesman, and selling cats... he won't take "No" for an answer.
We've all seen the stuff in your blog about Gott, Jeebus, and the Jesus action figures. Describe your religious upbringing.
Athiest. Heheheh... Born a Catholic, we switched to Pentecostal when I was twelve. That fall, our church started a school, and my siblings and I were in among the first victims. (Probably a good thing... I'd passed 6th and 7th grade by less than a point, and just over a point.) After I graduated from church school, I went to Apostolic Bible Institute, in St. Paul, MN. That didn't last too long.
"Wherever I lay my hat is my home" or "A man's home is his castle". Which of these describes your philosophy of home?
My desired motto is "A man's home is his castle," but I'm very comfortable with living under the other motto. Hell... it seems to fit better, anyway.
What is your favorite beer? Mixed drink?
Mixed drinks? I don't know... Captain and coke, gin and tonic, cherry vodka and coke. If it's good, I'll drink it.
What is your favorite movie musical?
I watch Seven Brides For Seven Brothers whenever I stop by Eric's place... it's become a real favorite, and it's great watching Eric sing and dance along with the show.
Have you ever offended someone with your blog?
I don't think so... Oh, well, if so.
Have you ever missed work because of your drinking?
Nope... I've gone home early because of a hangover, but I made it there to start.
Do you often have to cancel appointments due to your drinking?
Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
I say that I'm shy. I think a better word would be "quiet." Maybe a bit reserved. I drink a few drinks, and I drop some of that. Some.
Is drinking affecting your reputation?
Heheheh... drinking is my reputation. So, yeah...
Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
Do you drink alone?
No. If I have to, I'll pay someone to drink with me.
Do you want a drink the next morning?
No earlier than 8:30. Before then would be buckets of sad.
Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
I can't blame my sleeplessness on drinking. It's the same, whether I'm drinking or going weeks without.
Are you married?
Nope. Never married.
What is the difference in drinking Tennessee Whiskey and Kentucky Bourbon?
Tennessee whiskey, like Jack, is called "sipping whiskey." Bourbon is not. It is made to be sipped. Sounds the same to me, but it's not. The bottles are totally different.
do you get a different kind of hang over?
My hangovers from Tennessee whiskeys feel centralized just a bit further south, but my head still hurts all over.
OK for a real question, What is the best drinking establishment in your home town?
Best by far, Fritz's Wooden Nickel. Great food, good drinks, and outstanding people.
Regarding your real name (which you don't have to reveal here, although half the damn blogosphere knows it already since you've been on tour for so long, ya freakin' rock star), were you named after somebody else, or was that just something your parents grabbed out of a baby name book?
I was named after a Jimi Hendrix cover tune.
Actually, I was named after my grandfather on my dad's side. There's not many names pulled from a baby book in our family. Names are tied to family for the most part. Except for my cousin Xartanstine. I'm not sure where that came from...
What would you consider to be the most important inventions that have been made during your lifetime?
The floating widget is probably the greatest invention. Ever.
Guinness in a can: convenience or blasphemy?
Blasphemy works. 'Course, even if it's in a can, it'll still work, though definitely not preferred.
What was your least favorite subject in school and why?
English. Simply because I hated my teacher in sixth grade. I screwed up enough, that I spent the rest of my schooling trying to catch up. I did two years of English in my senior year. Two full years worth of credits. Thank gott that I was ahead in my other classes.
which one guy are you?
The one on the right...
What was your favorite meal as a kid and is it still a favorite?
Turtle eggs. It ain't what it sounds like. Someday, I'll post the recipe. I still like it, but not the way I did then. One that I still like, but it's not my absolute favorite anymore, is our family's version of goulash. Hamburger, rice, and cream of shroobie soup, Nowadays, I still make it, but I add mixed veggies, and Tabasco.
What's your favorite birthday cake?
It's a toss up. Devil's food, with homemade chocolate frosting, or my aunt's European checkerboard cake.
If you HAD to give up either meat or beer, which would you choose?
GAH!!! One or the other, eh? Methinks, beer would go. I could still drink, but I could not function without meat.
Have you really ever pulled a lion's ears and do you know Bob? Heh.
Heheheheh... never actually pulled on a lion's ear, but I did know Bob. Before he was ripped out of his vehicle and devoured at the Safari Park. The blood stains were mopped up, but you could tell where it happened. There's a sign there, next to the poop eating raccoons, that reads, "Rest in Pieces, Bob. You should'na oughta rolled your window down."
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
Anywhere between 1 and 156. I usually only make it to 1.
If a bear farts in the woods and there is no one there to hear him, does he still laugh and point?
What are the odds of getting your manly bits tangled in barbed wire?
If there's barbed wire near my manly bits, and I've gotta step over it, there's a pretty good chance that the crotch of my jeans is going to hang up. The evil one doesn't want me to procreate, but I fend off his lame efforts. So far...
Being the Almighty, what's your preference: wine & wafers or beer & pretzels?
Why, beer and pretzels, of course. Unless I'm dieting.
When can we expect Jeebus bobblehead dolls for our dashboards?
Funny that you should mention that...
How difficult was it for you to come to terms with always being right? And are you on any medication for that?
No medication... who would want to "fix" being right? It's a burden, but one I bear willingly.
Have you ever used your powers for evil?
A couple of "no comments," here.
Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
So far, I've only run into a golden pothead, who says his name is Zonker.
Do you sometimes wake up at night and yell "SIR! YES SIR!"
If everyone on earth dies except you and Hillary Clinton, will you kill yourself with a gun or will you just jump off a tall building?
I wouldn't off myself, but it would be very safe to say that the human race was about over.
What did you do when you were serving honorably in the Marines?
I was a mortarman, a grunt, with 2nd Light Armored Infantry Bn. I was the Fire Direction Center chief. Basically, I called the shots when we were in the field.
Did your nose bleed in boot camp?
Only once... and it wasn't an all day thing.
Are you really Johnny Appleseed reincarnated since you do so much bouncing around the US of A?
Heheheh... no seeds sown, 'Neck. Sorry to disappoint.
Did they pay you alot of money for lettin' that midget ride up on the back of your neck and shoulders in Thunderdome, and did you think Tina Turner was hot in that movie? I thought you rocked in that movie dude...
I will say, Tina had some kickass legs in that movie. And I did the midget gig for free.
Can you sleep while you're riding on a long trip since that episode of "Dreamin' and Drivin'" on the way to Austin last year?
Believe it or not, I can still sleep... but it's pretty lightly. That was a very traumatizing event. I think it shortened my life by about twenty years.
If you popped into this worl' with a warnin' label, what would it say?
Handle with beer? Hell, I don't know...
Where is the most exotic place you have partaken in drink?
Even though it's not exactly what one might call exotic, I'd have to say England.
You are active military, right? Marines? How long have you been in the military?
Yep, I was in the Marines, but I'm not active duty. I ended up getting out on a medical because I refused surgery. That was in '94, so it's been awhile, but I really do miss it.
OK, for real now....where were you when 9/11 happened? And what in the hell did you think was happening at that time?
I was working, and it was a little before our first break. One of my co-workers came up looking bewildered, and said that his wife had just called and said that a plane had crashed into one of the towers. I kinda blew it off. He was known for telling stories without all of the facts. A little while later, he came back, and said that while his wife was watching the coverage of the first crash, a second plane crashed into the other tower. I knew then that it was no mistake, and that we were being attacked. I went up into our break room, where a television had been set up, and saw that the Pentagon had also gotten hit. I was just in shock.
How do you feel about the war in Iraq? Probably a dumb question, but have you been to Iraq?
I've never been there, but I believe that we are doing the right thing. I'd like to see them all come home, but only when it's time.
Back to some more silliness....if you were a chick would you find John Bolton sexy?
Uh... probably not, since I he reminds me of a spectacled Yosemite Sam.
Is there something wrong with me if I find John Bolton sexy?
Absolutely not! You must be a fellow Loony Tunes fan!
May I use your term "Jackassalope" on my blog sometime?
Feel free... it's kinda flattering.
Favorite Frank Sinatra song?
Definitely not MacArthur Park ...
Favorite beer brand?
Favorite brewery would be Leinenkugel's. They make some excellent beers. There are better, but I know if I see Leinies on the label, I will like it on my table. (Apologies to Libby's)
Holy crap, I have gotten carried away with these questions... last one, famous person you have sat on a bar stool with?
Never actually met anyone famous... though my bro in law and I visited with three of the guys from SOiL in a bar in Milwaukee. They were pretty cool dudes.
While not "famous," I have gotten to meet and drink with plenty of bloggers. It's been a great honor, and I look forward to meeting more.
What is your preferred drink?
Beer. Or Coke.
I don't know if it's fair to name one beer. I love dark beers the best, with stouts being preferred. Dopplebocks are favored, too. At home, they've got Amber Bock on tap... I'll drink tons of the stuff. When I can, I like Guinness, Young's Double Chocolate Stout, Korbinian dopplebock.
Favorite hangover remedy?
A Coke or Mountain Dew, and a piece or two of pepperoni pizza.
Not much of a coffee drinker. Love the flavor, love the smell, I just don't drink it much.
If you were to make a cocktail for me, what would it be?
Knowing you're location, the first thing that pops into my head is a mint julep. But I'm thinking (ad I'm probably way off) that you'd probably like a white Russian, or a Kahlua and crème.
Do you have a favorite vodka?
Not really... I do like the UV Vodkas, and I'm looking forward to checking out this excellent sounding chocolate vodka, by Three Olives, that Jimbo, from Parkway Rest Stop recommended. Maybe Grey Goose.
How long did you serve in the Marine Corp? I don't believe I have ever thanked you for your service, so let me state right here- Thank you for your service, Joe!!
I was only in a little over two years. I got out on a medical discharge, basically because I refused surgery. I had a Haglund's deformity "removed" from my heel, and it grew back. The first surgery, I was told it would be five weeks, and I'd be up at back at it. It was almost five months. They wanted to totally remove the Achilles tendon, scrape off the bone, and then reattach the tendon. After the first attempt, I told them, "Thanks, No."
Of all the things that the Marine Corp taught and trained you to do... do you use any of that training to this day? For instance, every single man in my life that served in the Corp knows how to iron clothes... I mean.... Really well... Would you be willing to do some of my ironing. I hate to iron.
Yeah... I can iron, and I can really clean if needed. But being a single guy, I don't do much of any of that. Hehehehe...
What is your favorite movie?
Oh, man... this is a hard question. I like plenty, but the one's that I can watch at any time would be "Monty Python's Holy Grail," "Army of Darkness," and "Eric the Viking."
What kind of music do you like? Favorite band/musician?
I like anything from old country to punk, but I mostly listen to metal. My favorite musician would be the late, great, Stevie Ray Vaughan, and currently, my favorite band would be Clutch. Probably. It's hard to say, as I pointed out above.
If you were going to go on vacation and money was no object, you could go anywhere, do anything and even take your bike with you if you wanted... where would you go and what would you do?
Ah... I think that I'd probably head over to England, ride the moors, then head up into Scotland and cruise around for a while. Once done there, I've got roads clear to Asia... I think I'd be gone for a long while.
Do you think you'll start using snot as a lubricant?
*GRIN* Only if I run across a hooker...
why no "that 1 gal"? is it the colander underwear??
I'm thinking that is probably the deal.
why don't you ever wear camo at the blog meets?
Never thought about it... I'll try to remember to wear the bungie hat, and cammies at the next get together....
just HOW many states have you lived in? which ones?
Wisconsin, Illinois ... that's about it, except for Marine Corps time, which would be North Carolina, and California. I stayed down in Selma, Alabama for the summer, when I was working in the mill, there. Now, I guess you could say I'm living in Florida.
of all the states you've called home, never texas? what gives?
While I like your beautiful state, and I've been there partying a few times, no job opps ever came up. I'd never rule it out, though.
What is the best and worst beer you've ever drank?
The worst is that crap you and I drank. The best? It depends, but I really like that Young's Double Chocolate Stout.
What has been the most important piece of Drunken "Wisdom" you have bestowed upon an individual?
Buy me a beer, and you may find out...
Has any of your Drunken "Wisdom" gotten you into trouble? If so, how bad and we would like details.
Nope. Never. And there are no details.
What's worse, taking a long trip in a car with out AC in the middle of summer when the heat index is pushing 120, or taking a long trip on your bike in a cold spring heavy rain that lasts all day?
They both suck, but the car trip is absolute hell. The cold brings you closer to God. Well, as close as I can get, anyway.
After taking off on all of your whirlwind adventures of the US, is their any particular tourest stop that you haven't stopped at but hope to some day?
I'd like to hit the Jack Daniel's distillery. I've been past Mesa Verde, but never stopped, and I wasn't that far from the Arches National Park in Utah. Heheheh... now the list is starting to take off. There's too many to mention now...
I've got a hankering for some prime rib and Jack Daniel's down at Fritz's, want to go get some?
Heheh... you really are a SOB, but you already knew that. I'm home next week, but on prime rib night, I've gotta go to that wedding. Otherwise, yeah.
What is the most embarassing thing you've ever done while drinking?
Missed my chair that got yanked out from under me. Or danced with a huge carrot stuffed down the front of my pants.
Who is the most embarassing person you've ever done while intoxicated?
No kiss and tell... um, if I did do something like that.
Does it bother you that I've been dumping beer down the drain because I can't drink it and I don't want to store it anymore? How about if I tell you that it was Amber bock?
It's said that there's no such thing as a stupid question. They're wrong.
'Tis a sin to waste beer... good or bad. I'm going to be home next week... you could have given it to me then. Bastard.
So... if you had a cat, what would you name it?
Toonces, Splatter, or Roadkill.
Describe a perfect day for That 1 Guy? What would you do??
I'd wake up in my cabin in the Montana mountains, then head outside to work out. After benching 400 lbs, I'd head back into the house to eat a box of cereal and read the paper, where I discover that I have won the lottery again. Second time this week!!! I'd wake my wife, formerly known as Jennifer A., and share the good news, then I'd do her as...
trological chart for her. After showering up, I'd jam on the guitar for awhile, until it was time to head down to Fritz's new pub. (I paid to move him here.) There, I'd have one of his kickass shepherd's pies, and a couple of pints.
And it only gets better from there...
What would be your favorite/last meal. Given the opportunity to choose??
Venison tenderloin, fresh asparagus, twice baked taters... with a large tankard of Guinness to wash it down.
'Course, if I was about to die by execution, I'd make sure that it had much fiber... why make the clean up easy?
Hey now here's a question that has never been answered for me..... If it takes a chicken & a half to lay an egg & a half in a day & a half, then how long does it take a grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle??
Is the leg made out of hardwood? If so, it'd be about two shakes of a frog's tail. Pine, or other softwoods, would be about the third twitch of a chicken's lip
Holy crap!! What an interview!
Thanks to That 1 Guy for agreeing to this. And thanks to everyone that sent in questions.
Tomorrow, it's Tink (Tink's Tribulations). That'll be fun.