Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Headline News 2005-01-26

From ABC News:
Town to Use Pig on 'Groundhawg's Day'
Bill Murray to star

From ABC News:
Anheuser-Busch Launches Souped-Up Beer
Become a belligerent drunk in half the time

From ABC News:
Man Allegedly Robs Bank With Beer Bottle
Anheuser-Busch Launches Souped-Up Beer

From ABC News:
Texas Cops Undress to Catch Prostitution
Clinic reports that's not all they caught

From ABC News:
Duke Party Features Bikinis, Baby Oil
"Klansman Gone Wild" video series released

From ABC News:
Tanning Butler Rubs Guests the Right Way
Years after failed sit-com, Brett back to making money the old-fashioned way

From ABC News:
15 Hurt in Fla., W.Va. School Bus Crashes
Runs off road, flips for 927 miles; Speeding suspected

From ABC News:
N.H. Judge Suspended for Groping Resigns
Will move to California, run for governor

From ABC News:
Man Declared Dead Turns Out to Be Alive
Now if he could just get out of that casket in time...

From ABC News:
Italy Sounds Alarm Over Shrinking Beaches
But terrorists walking the streets is not a problem

From ABC News:
Cheney Calls New Ukraine President Ally
Says something about Yushchenko reminds him of Calista Flockhart

From ABC News:
Why Florida is No. 1 in bioterror readiness
Good showing in computer rankings overcome poor showing in AP, Coaches polls

From ABC News:
Astronauts Install Robotic Arm on Station
Station to go berserk, take over world

From ABC News:
Scientists Create Petrified Wood in Days
Viagra for the really, really old

From ABC News:
Microsoft Plans Restrictions on Fixes
Company executive: "Our engineers spend lots of time and effort creating software that's rampant with bugs. We want the end-user to get the full Microsoft experience."

From ABC News:
Scientists Develop Self-Cleaning Windows
Unaware wife comes in at night with Windex and a rag

From ABC News:
Rockers Start Writing, Writers Rock
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls.
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world,
except for Lola.


From ABC News:
RNC Seeks Donations to Push Bush Agenda
Want to reunite 'Musique' for a concert

From CNN:
Man begs wife's forgiveness in $17,000 ad
Wife still mad, would rather have had $17,000 ring

From CNN:
Court revives McDonald's obesity suit
Really stupid fat man hires another blood-sucking lawyer

From CNN money:
Thirtysomething for Mister Softee
Time to ask his doctor about Cialis

From CNN:
S.Africa church slams condom use
Likes it rough

From CNN:
Katie Couric talks sex
Wants 'meaningful' perks before agreeing to take Rather's job

From CNN:
Burns doctor honored in Australia
Kept George alive years after Gracie passed away

From CNN:
Bush denounces paying commentators
Frank J., Charles Johnson must now find work


From CNN:
GOP e-mail asks for help with 'liberal media'
Frank J., Charles Johnson find work



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3 comments:

  1. The Mean Sister (who is 5'6")January 26, 2005 at 1:28 PM

    Petrified wood...Viagra
    Mister Softee...Cialis

    You seem to have a theme in today's headlines. HMMM.....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey, I just report the news. And jokes like that aren't hard to find.

    Heh-heh-heh. Hard. Heh-heh.

    ReplyDelete
  3. funny! funny! funny! did i ever mention that you have a talent for this headline thing?

    ReplyDelete

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