Friday, January 21, 2005

PGH Assignment: Fixing The Democratic Party

The Alliance is in regroup mode, trying to develop a response to Evil Glenn Reynolds'™ scheme that has resulted in his ownership of the Moon. There is some discussion that we lost our focus and allowed this setback. There is a feeling by some that we must get back to basics.

Harvey of Bad Example noticed that the Democratic Party in the U.S. is in disarray and is seeking ideas to fix the situation. The parallels are not lost on me. The Democrats, if they are to succeed, must get back to basics.

RE-SEGREGATE - The Democrats were supporters of segregation from way back. And slavery prior to that. I suggest that, rather than attempt to keep minorities down by trying to make them dependent on government programs and hand-outs, they be up-front about things and call for a revocation of the 13th, 14th, and 15th Amendments. If you are going to run a plantation, run a plantation. If you want to own a race, then actually buy and sell the members of that race, rather than use the methods in use by the rich, fat, white Democrats that pretend to love all races. The Republicans don't even pretend, and they keep winning; Democrats can take this back from the GOP.

GET THE KLAVERN BACK TOGETHER - The Ku Klux Klan was founded by Democrats, who were on the losing side during the War Between the States. Rather than gather in secret wearing white sheets, today's Democrats gather in the Senate and wear white shirts. Time for a visit to the linen department at Sears. White sheets are on sale. Robert Byrd, for one, will be grateful for the opportunity to tell "nigger jokes" in public again.

WARMONGER - The U. S. entered World War I, World War II, Korea, and Vietnam while Democrats were in the White House. Lately, though, Democrats have run around like frightened schoolgirls when any other country says "boo!" In fact, the U. S. has had to rely on two Republicans, George Bush and George Bush, to get involved in our last two wars. A Democrat needs to step forward and lead the charge to support the effort in Iraq, and to help the military prepare for the upcoming wars with Syria, Iran, and Mexico. Warmongering use to be a Democratic exclusive. Time to take it back.

RE-EMPOWER WHITE MALES - Democrats used to be white men. Now, Republicans are the party of the white man. Democrats need to take that demographic back. Remember that Jeanette Rankin, the first woman in Congress, was a Republican. Send Barbara Boxer, Cynthia McKinney, and the like back home to California and Georgia, where they can iron shirts, turn tricks, or whatever it is that women like that used to do.

EMBRACE CHRISTIANITY - Democrats used to be the party of God. Now God is a registered Republican. The Democrats need to lead the charge to send all atheists back to France, Cuba, or whatever Godless country they are from. Folks like Joe Lieberman are going to be difficult to handle because they have the same God that Christians do. Perhaps the best thing might be to let him, and any other Jews in the Democratic Party, retire. Or if they are approached by Republicans, do nothing more than say you'll miss them. Then, the Democrats can openly tell the "Jew jokes" they tell in secret.

While this is not an exhaustive list of the things that Democrats can do to change their direction, this is presented in hopes that this can be a start. This can be the first step to bringing them back to the prominence they once had.

Hat tip for editorial assistance: Harvey of Bad Example

When is the Blogosphere, visit OTB:Beltway Traffic Jam

Bad posts from other blogs can be found at: Bonfire of the Vanities - Insult to Injury Edition


  1. i was about to be pissed off ( but just a little bit) because you dissed CA, but then i saw that in the same sentence you did the same to your state. sucks that we have so many Libs running around spreading their misinformation, but if it wasn't for them, political humor blogs wouldn't exist. i guess there's a reason for everything.

  2. There's plenty of insanity to spread around. No one has a monopoly.

    But, if someone does have a monopoly, I want to be the doggie. You can be the battleship. Or the boot.

  3. Big Sis (who's 5'4")January 21, 2005 at 2:23 PM

    I wanna be the racecar.

  4. i have monopoly, and I am always the thimble. lmao

  5. Big Sis (who's 5'4")January 21, 2005 at 5:12 PM

    Well, now that I have read your PGH piece, I understand your reservations you shared in another post. I love Typing w/o a License. I think that was my favorite of all the stories. You could tell some more traveling stories....or critter stories!

  6. i like the boot. it can kick some ass!

  7. Uh, by the way, your other Bonfire entry was far more worthy of burning than this one. Just sayin'. Heehee.


    TITLE: Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Fixing The Democratic Party
    BLOG NAME: The Alliance
    "If it's broke, fix it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it." ~ Old Engineering Proverb "If it's REALLY broke, throw the damn thing out


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