Sunday, January 16, 2005

PGH Assignment: Detecting Media Bias

Precision Guided HumorJanuary 12

I was walking through the Piggly Wiggly, carrying a shopping basket, trying to find a pack of Hebrew National hot dogs. The Wal-Mart used to carry them, but I haven't seen them there recently. So, I thought I'd try Piggly Wiggly. Alas, no such luck. But, as long as I was in the luncheon meat section, I browsed. Imagine my shock when I picked up a pack of Oscar Mayer Fat Free Bologna, turned it over to look at the nutritional information, and found instead an assignment from the Alliance?. Here it is: If Memogate doesn't indicate media bias, what would?

I quickly put back the box of Fig Newtons and 2-liter of Diet Rite Cola I had picked up earlier and rushed out the door. I had research to do.

When I got home, I turned the TV on to get a current idea of what the media were saying. I saw Dan Rather on Judge Judy. Intrigued, I watched it. Aftwards, I went to the office in the back of the house. I fired up the Linux computer, and sat down.

I had to get back in with the media crowd. I was small potatoes in my earlier experience with the media, but I was media, nonetheless. I still know the secret handshake. So, with all the secrets of the trade coming back to me, I began my quest.

I went to the secret Mainstream Media Web site:, and logged in. YESSS!! My ID and password were still valid. I clicked on North America, then the image of the United States, then my state. Ah, great. There was a conference starting the next day at the CNN Center in Atlanta. So, I made my reservation. Things were going very well.

January 13

The meeting just broke up. It was great seeing all the folks I hadn't seen in years. And that Helen Thomas! So funny. And talented. Her routine with Sam Donaldson where they do the songs from "Cabaret" ... well, words don't describe it. But, it wasn't all fun and games. They served Kool-Aid. Lots and lots of Kool-Aid. No snacks. But, there was a vending machine the floor, so I was able to sneak out for a Snickers. And plenty of Kool-Aid to wash it down. But, I had work to do. I listened to many conversations and found that every one that spoke up, without exception, hated the Bush administration. So, I could see how this was going to turn out. The left-leaning bias was obvious. But, I had 2? days to gather more information.

January 14

Meetings all day. And they made us wear white jumpsuits and wouldn't let us change back into street clothes unless we had to leave the building. They did have pimento-cheese sandwiches. And Kool-Aid. Lots and lots of Kool-Aid.

Most of the meetings were conducted by radical lefties. Michael Moore was there. He chaired most of the events of the day. And, at the end of the day, we had to line up and give him gifts. I forgot about this ritual, so I wasn't prepared. Luckily, Peter Jennings had an extra suckling pig in his truck, and loaned me one. Michael Moore seemed satisfied. I was so pleased.

Just about all of the conversation centered on how the Bush administration was sending the country to hell in a handbasket. Much of the discussion was well thought and reasonable.

January 15

Last full day of the conference. It was much more relaxed today. Still only sandwiches to eat. And Kool-Aid. I'm really enjoying the Kool-Aid.

We spent much of the afternoon doing team-building exercises. We did the tower exercise, and I was placed with six other bloggers. I was able to catch Ana Marie Cox as she almost fell. Markos Moulitsas and I helped Joshua Micah Marshall be first to the top. I was next, then Markos. I wanted to help up the other four who were just hanging there. But Markos said "Screw them."

This evening, most of the conversation we had as we drank the Kool-Aid centered around the mistakes we made in the last election and what we need to do to win the Congress back in '06.

January 16

One quick session this morning ended the conference. It was wonderful. Cokie Roberts sang a Meredith Brooks song. Juan Williams and Bill Moyers played guitar and banjo. Just after noon, we broke up and went our separate ways.

It was a wonderful experience being back in touch with my friends in the Mainstream Media. And, I can report back to the Alliance? that no bias exists in the media. And it can't exist. By the very nature of the media, it can only be fair, it can only be truthful, and it must be the guiding force to take the country back from Bush/Hitler.

When in the Blogosphere, visit the Beltway Traffic Jam


  1. if they change to Flavor-Aid.....get out quick!

  2. Big Sis (who's only 5'4")January 17, 2005 at 3:21 AM

    No wonder there is media bias! They need a new caterer!

  3. The Mean Sister (who is 5'6")January 17, 2005 at 1:25 PM

    Me thinks you drank too much Kool-Aid and did not have enough sleep. :) Oh yeah, Grandma says she will have Fig Newtons the next time you come by. I am trying to convince her to type you a message, but no luck so far. She thinks she will tear up the computer.

  4. nobody got my flavor-aid joke... :o(

  5. Hey, don't be upset. You must remember, I am from South Georgia. And not the island that's overrun with penguins. I'm from the REAL South Georgia. So I'm liable to have a clever comment fly right over my head.

  6. LOL! but the last time i heard of Flavor-Aid, it was used by another group of fanatics to commit mass suicide in if they change brands, get out quick!

  7. Big Sis (who's only 5'4'')January 18, 2005 at 4:08 PM

    Relax...we GOT it!

  8. moehawk:
    I told you she'd turn on you.

  9. Big Sis (who's only 5'4")January 20, 2005 at 2:30 AM

    I did NOT turn on moehawk! Moehawk seemed upset that nobody had commented on the joke, so I felt compelled to comment. All I did was tell moehawk that I got the joke. It was NOT meant to be mean spirited. How is that turning on anyone, basil? It seems to me that you, basil, are turning moehawk (who has been very nice to me)against me. Did I misread your comment? Am I missing something here?

  10. He'll forgive you if you send more headlines.

  11. Big Sis (who's only 5'4")January 20, 2005 at 8:23 AM


  12. The Mean Sister (who is 5'6January 20, 2005 at 11:22 AM

    Hey sis, I thought I was supposed to be the mean one...

  13. Big Sis (who's only 5'4")January 20, 2005 at 11:57 AM

    OK, I sent more headlines...

  14. i was just kidding when i agreed with basil, and if i actually did think you had turned on me, the headlines would have made up for it!
    btw, basil...pretty slick way to get big sis to contribute to your blog! ;)

  15. They are putty in my hands! BWAHAHAHA!

  16. funny AND evil for me.

  17. Big Sis (who's only 5'4")January 21, 2005 at 5:56 PM

    Actually, when we were growing up, basil was the nice one in the family!

  18. oh, how things have changed!!! :lol:

    TITLE: Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Detecting Media B
    BLOG NAME: The Alliance
    Q: How can you tell if Dan Rather is being biased? A: His lips are moving Come on folks, just get over it. It doesn't MATTER if the memo ordered Bush to take a physical on a day when the


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