Wednesday, March 23, 2005

WTW: Where I Come From

White Trash WednesdaysHey, y'all. How are y'all doin'? Cuzin Basil told us (us bein' some of his cuzins) that we can show up at our cuzins houses on Wensdays and type all we want on their fancy typewriter tv things.

Cuzin Red told me he done typed some and it was fun. He said cuzin basils got all kinds of thingamajigs that you gotta mash buttons on what looks like them fancy addin masheens in his house and cuzin basils gonna explain them to him some time, and Mrs. cuzin Basil has all kinds of chickens and goats and things. Now I'm more inclined to want to know more about them chickens and things myself, but I gotta use one of them typewriter tv thingys to talk to y'all, so that's what I'm a'gonna do.

Anyway, cuzin red said cuzin basil said I could let y'all know somethin' 'bout me, bein' as how it's Wensday and all, so Cuzin Big Sister (who's 5'4") is lettin' me use ther typewriter tv thingy. She's real nice and a real good cook once she got the hang of it.

I'm betty and I'm from Ludowici. I want y'all to know that bein' from Ludowici is not all so bad that some folks like sortapundit might make it out to be. There's some good things about bein' from a real small town. Everybody knows everybody and they don't seem to get all uppity about all them fancy gadgets like cuzin basil and cuzin big sister (who's 5'4") likes. Let me try to explane it to you so you'll understand.

You see last year me and my hubby wanted to go out on a real big boat out in the water somewhere and some hi falutin' fella says I have to show him something that said I'd been born. I mean couldn't somebody look at me and tell I'd been born? Anyway, I got real worried cause the doctor that had borned me was dead and the clinic I'd been borned in was gone. They tore it down a real long time ago.

Then I was talkin' to some of my frends that's real smart and they said I could go to the courthouse in Ludowici to get proof that I'd been borned. So I did. I didn't know they had such things in there. I just thought you went to the courthouse to visit your kinfolks when they got put on trial for something the sheriff got upset about.

Now my real smart friends said they'd use a typewriter tv thing like I'm using right now at cuzin big sister's house to find where I was born. How they do that, I don't know, but that's what they said they'd do. Well, remember I told you they don't need so many of them fancy gadgets in Ludowici? Well they don't.

I walked in the courthouse and talked to a really sweet little girl who probably graduated from high school and didn't even have on a sheriff uniform, and I told her that I needed proof I'd been born. She had a typewriter tv thingy on her desk, but she didn't use it.She turned around by her desk and opened the first drawer in her metal filing cabinet and started looking through her scrapbooks. Well, she said you ain't in there. Well, I coulda told her that, bein' as how I was standin' right in front of her. So then she looked in the second drawer in her filing cabinet. And she pulled out another big scrapbook and started flipping pages. And guess what? I was in there! Talk about a suprize! There was a little piece of paper in there that said I'd been borned!

That piece of paper was real little so she said she was gonna blow it up. I got real worried cause I needed it to get on that big boat to prove I was alive, but she said she was just gonna make it bigger, so I said ok. She took my little piece of paper and put it on a machine and it made another piece of paper only the writin' was bigger. Then she signed it and squished a round circle on it and gave it to me and put my first little piece of paper back in her scrapbook and put it back in her filing cabinet drawer.

I had to give her some money a'fore she'd hand over the paper that said I'd been borned, but it weren't a hole lot, and then she said now I had proof I was born and I could go on my trip. Good grief! How come me talkin' and eatin' and fartin' and such don't prove I'm alive?

Next time I write I just might talk about basil makin' fun of our smelly water or farts or somethin'.

Y'all have a good day now you hear? Even you, sortapundit.

More White Trash Wednesday

Agent Bedhead
Alabama Improper
And Rightly So!
Dangerous Logic
Feisty Republican Whore
It Is What It Is
Lost In Lima Ohio
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Pennsylvanian in exile
Pirate's Cove
Public Figures
Riehl World View
Right Truth
Six Meat Buffet
Stupid Random Thoughts
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire


  1. How was the trip on the big boat cuzin betty?

  2. The Big Sister (who's 5'4")March 23, 2005 at 8:10 AM

    Oh, it was REAL nice...almost jest like bein' in a real fancy motel 6. Only 'cept they was a hurricane that was chasin' us. I reckon I oughta write about that some time...

  3. I want you to jest look. My Cuzin Big Sister done put her name where I's supposed to put my name the last time I typed. I set her strait, only now I think she's mad and she might not let me use this typewriter tv thingy anymore today. Y'all have a good day.


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