Sunday, March 13, 2005

What Are You, Some Sortapundit or Something?

So, Sortapundit has lost his mind, huh? You don't know what I'm talking about? Well, then go see Sortapundit's post where he says he's going quit writing like an American. Sortapundit realizes that most of his readers are American. But now he wants to write with an English accent.

Got news for you, Sortapundit. If you start acting all uppity, us Americans won't let you keep using our Internet. Yeah, OUR Internet. After all, it was invented by a former Vice-President of the United States.

What? Okay, yeah, that was a joke. But the Internet evolved out of ARPANET, which was a U.S. Department of Defense program. So, we know it's OUR Internet. You better behave yourself, Sortapundit.

Then Sortapundit ups and declares war. Well, maybe not exactly war, but Sortapundit is asking all the regular Sortapundit readers that have blogs to help Sortapundit overtake this little blog in certain Google search rankings.

(The following may not be considered work-safe. – basil)

Sortapundit first complains about having to rely on stats from SiteMeter. Believe me, I understand. That's what I use. So, I'm with you there, bud. Then, Sortapundit writes:
I'm going to beat him at his own game. I'm giving myself a month (or two, or perhaps even three - leave me alone, I'm lazy) to overtake him on the rankings for a few carefully selected terms Basil mentions. If anyone would like to assist in my utter destruction of Basil, simply link the following words to at your blog. If you don't have a blog - well, you can't really help, can you? Make posters with macaroni and glitter. Those are always nice.
A word of warning to Basil, if he's thinking of some sort of retaliatory strike.  I'm in 8th place for Video Execution and 1st place for Evil Laugh Soundbite.  As is plain, despite my foppish middle class charmingly befuddled upbringing, I will end you.
So, this sounds like a declaration of war to me. And Sortapundit actually has the audacity to tell us "Bring it on!" Which makes me think: When was the last time some European-looking weenie publicly said "Bring it on" to a southerner? Oh, yeah. Help me out here, Sortapundit. Whatever happened to John Kerry?


  1. You know, if he decided to write with a Canadian accent, it would be a whole lot easier. He'd only have to use OOT and ABOOT, instead of OWT and ABOWT, otherwise, not much difference--except for that whole hating Americans stuff, of course.

  2. well, basil, maybe he got nervous when he saw how good you were at blog-piracy and decided for the pre-emptive strike.

  3. Frank L.
    Excellent point. But it does bring up a question: Why doesn't he write like he talks. It's what I do. Oh, wait. Let me check MY SiteMeter stats.


    Oh. Well, then. Never mind.

  4. moehawk:
    I may have to rethink my next takeover and head across the pond.

  5. Oddybobo:
    War, huh, good God
    What is it good for
    Absolutely nothing
    Listen to me!

    Except maybe some BlogFun!

  6. Whoo hoo a blog fight

    A blog fight is like a cat fight, just without the possibility of a boob popping out right?
    Keith deceides he's tired of basil's blog being in the lead for the following searches:

  7. I had tried to find a decent post to track back to when I saw his declaration of war. Not to worry, well fix that bloke up real nice like.

  8. Now that a truce has been declared with Red State Rant, all resources can to toward bringing our overseas friend around to seeing things our way.

  9. "I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our island home, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of Basil, if necessary for years, if necessary alone.

    At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of His Majesty's Government-every man of them. That is the will of Parliament and the nation.

    The British Empire and the Sortapundit Republic, linked together in their cause and in their need, will defend to the death their native soil, aiding each other like good comrades to the utmost of their strength.

    Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Basil and all the odious apparatus of Basil rule, we shall not flag or fail.

    We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old."

    I'm so fired up with the excitement of battle I'm gonna go and have a pint, do a pub quiz, and then stumble home and butter myself a crumpet. When I get home, drunk and confused, the battle begins.

  10. Nice speech.

    My official response will be coming shortly.

  11. I must credit Winston Churchill for that. And when I say credit I mean, of course, that I stole the whole thing from him.

  12. You couldn't have chosen a better writer. Unless you use my writer. Post upcoming. Be patient.

  13. Wee weel ztand wit zhou, Zortapundit, zhou haff zee gahrantee ov zee French!

  14. How does one respond to someone who is famous for saying "All is love in fair and war?"


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