Saturday, March 19, 2005

Search Engine Disappointments VII

Checking this week's visitor logs was a little different, because the Great Blog War against Sortapundit. Still, it was interesting to see some new and unusual searches used to find this little blog. And, it's quite evident from some of them that they weren't looking for this little blog.

Blog War-related
Either the search phrases that are part of the war, or related to those phrases.
Google: gizoogle
Top five still. Can't crack the top four. But, this Hall of Fame entry is still this week's top search results that led folks here.

MSN: life story of jamie lynn spears
Top 40. We keep getting hits on her. I may need to look up information on her and see just who the heck she is.

Top 5! I need to look up what that stands for.

Number two for this version. And above their own site! Slightly lower on other versions of this phrase.

Google France: 310-990-7444
Top five. But, what I don't understand is, if someone already has Paris Hilton's phone number, why are they searching for it? Unless they're trying to use Google to find her address.

MSN: free big tit video
Top 15. But we don't have any. Not for free.

MyWebSearch: What Nickelodeon 2004 TB Series does Jamie Lynn Spears
Top 10 for this one.

MSN: teen big tit galleries
Top 10. And some disappointed horny teens.

Yahoo!: "paris hilton's phone number"
Number one! And 30. And 62. We rule! Woo-hoo!

MSN: define paris hilton cell phone pictures
Okay, that would be pictures that are stored on Paris Hilton's cell phone. Pay attention, there may be a test later.

Naughty Naughty
Google: wife likes to strip in front of neighbor
What struck me most, was the fact our post on Prince Charles was the search result!

Google: nude man hockey grizzlies
I didn't even know about that. And I don't want to know!

Ask Jeeves UK: horny
Sorry, old chap.

MSN: horny  teen girls
Top 30. And some disappointed horny teen boys

Google: whorehouses in the South, Georgia
Top 40. Could do better. More whorehouse blogging.

Google: Whorehouses in Cairo Egypt
Top 15. Like I said, I got it! More whorehouses. Message received.

Yahoo!: incest headlines
Top 40. That's going on the resume. Next to serial killer.

MSN: nude clubs in atlanta georgia
Number eight. Right behind Georgia High School Athletics. And two ahead of the City of Columbus, Georgia, Civic Center. Really.

Google: sweeface
Top five. And the display on Google gave away the punch line. And someone clicked anyway.

Google UK: charles and camilla/cartoons
The only result for this search. We seem to have this topic locked up. All we need now are some cartoons on the couple, huh?

Yahoo! UK: camilla parker bowles adult cartoons
But why? Why?! WHY?!?!

Google: Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor
Top 20 for this royal.

Google: lyric charlotte web statler
Maybe we need more Statler Brothers lyrics. Anybody know the words to "Whatever Happened To Randolph Scott?"

Google: pointy pyramids on the banks of the nile song
Top ten. But I'm seeing a pattern here. More song lyrics.

Google: "video professor" actress infomercial
Top ten. And I have no idea who they're talking about.

Google: espera decorti
Top ten. And it's Iron Eyes Cody. He was the "Indian" with the tear running down his cheek in the old "Keep America Beautiful" commercials.

Google: imao
Top 10 (#7). That's up from last week. Keep not posting on Saturdays, Frank J. and crew. When this little blog becomes the top search result for IMAO, then I'll do MY happy dance!

Google: Basil
Top 10. And still top blog

MSN: basil
Top ten. But not top blog. Kevin Basil, I shall overtake you!

AOL Germany: Basil
Top ten.

Google: basils blog
Number one, of course!

Google: larry basil
Number two. Behind some TV cook in California.

BlogPulse: "comment spam" OR "blog spam"
Top 10. And I still hate the stuff.

Yahoo!: Mike Gallagher sucks
Number two! That'll teach him! Oh, and sorry Jeff.

MSN: "ban smoking in georgia"
We wonder why they went to MSN Search to look for this, when we have, not one, but two, site search boxes right here on this blog!

Google: mike gannon scandal
Number one. And I don't even know who Mike Gannon is.

Google: danny schechter
It actually was number one for a while. But down to number 10.

Yahoo!: "columbus ga blogs"
Number one.

BlogPulse: jeff gannon
Top 40. But how bad do you want to read about this fellow that you'd come here to do it?

Google Canada:
Why would someone have the address of the page, then search for it? I don't understand.

Speling helps
Google Canada: superiors - perfect timming lyrics
We learned one thing from this search: I spell as bad as a French Canadian.

Google: timming in beltway 8 houston
Number one. Lots of Americans spell that poorly, too. I've got to go fix that post.

MSN: on the go video collage girls
Top ten. And some disappointed no-spelling teens. Unless they actually are looking for a collage.

Google: curcuit
Number one! Yay! I'm king of all misspellings!

Current Events
Google: school's ban on christmas carols sparks debate msn
Number one, thanks to a Headline News post.

MSN: scam jesse l peterson
Top 25. I hope they found his book.

Google: michael eric dyson 2005 nigga
Top five. And I still hope they found Jesse Peterson's book

Google: waycross fishing almanac
Top 10. We need to tell more stories about Waycross, don't we?

MSN: newpaper tennessee gambling
Top three. Sorry, can't place your bets here. But my money's on the Chattanooga Times Free Press.

Google: gross ignoramus
Top ten. Boy, I'm proud of that one.

Google: resealable socks
Top three. And I've already used my Adrian Monk joke, so I got nothing.

Yahoo! cream cheese pound cake
Top ten (#8) thanks to my Big Sister (who's 5'4") and her recipe.

Yahoo!: writing for the ear
Way, way down on the list. But on the list. It's nice to know I'm learning today's youth all about writing and such.

MSN: Rules on Writing Notes All CAPS
Here's a rule: don't.

Yahoo!: hitler's initials on volkswagen keys
Top 15. And I've never owned a Volkswagen.

Google: kerfluffle
Top ten! Yay! And you know what, they're tasty with syrup. Makes for a great breakfast.

Top ten. And a disappointed Canadian.

MSN: John Harvey's Restaurant in Washington D.C.
Number two! And I've never heard of the place.

Google: "james rosen" "Fox news"
Just because he like the Beatles and I like the Beatles, I guess.
Google: 7 foot tall Durex Condom Mascot
Top five. And I didn't know they had one. Scary what you learn from these searches.

MSN: show me pictures of steve harvery
Top ten. And no, we don't have any. Even if it were to be spelled correctly.

Google: basil's pizza jacksonville
Number one. And I didn't know there was such a place.

Well, that was fun, wasn't it.

I plan a Blog War update later today. Last night's events threw everything off. Oh, and an Search Engine Silliness wrap-up of Search Engine-related posts tomorrow morning.


  1. once, when i was a gross ignoramus, i went to Waycross to fish but needed an Almanac....
    still awaiting orders, Cap'n!

  2. oh, and did i mention that i was wearing resealable socks while looking for a Waycross fishing almanac? what a gross ignoramus i was!

  3. Doing some quick google-fu, it looks like Jamie Lynn Spears is Britney's pre-pubescent sister.

    All those hits are probably people more eager to count down to her 18th birthday than they were for the Olson Twins.

  4. Blog War Update

    The nude man hockey grizzly niggas at the DFNCTSC, numbering 310, 990, 7444, stormed the girls big tit rally held in a Georgia whorehouse. Charles and Camilla, in the middle of watching an adult cartoon ecaped unharmed to the Basil's Pizza in Jackson...

  5. moehawk:
    but you're all better now.

    Ah, of course. It's so obvious now.


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