Sunday, January 29, 2006

It's A Jungle Out There

I feel like Adrian Monk.

Now if any of my sisters ... or the Wife ... or the children ... read that, they'd laugh. Because they know just how much I am not like Adrian Monk.

Oh, I got my quirks, but I'm not always going around asking for wipes. Nor am I afraid of milk. So, no, I'm not like Adrian Monk.

But I think I might be coming down with whatever he's got.

And you might, too, after reading this.

I don't use public restrooms a lot. But it's inevitable that I use them from time to time.

Whether it's at work, at a ballgame, on a trip ... there comes a time that I must use the restroom. And something happened the other day that gave me pause.

I was ... somewhere ... and I had just brushed my teeth after a meal. I heard someone ... finishing up ... at a urinal. As I completed my routine, I noticed the person leaving the urninal and headed ... to the door.

Without washing.

Of course, that happens all the time. So, it wasn't that unusual. What are you gonna do.

So, after I put away my stuff, I went to the door and reached for the handle.

The same handle that Mr. Urinates-But-Doesn't-Wash-His-Hands-Afterwards had used. With those hands.

The hands that had just been used to aim Mr. Willy at the deodorant cake in the urinal.

And here I was, inches away from grabbing the door handle. The urine-stained, Mr. Willy-stained door handle.

I turned around and went to the paper towel dispenser, grabbed a paper towel, and used it to open the door.

Just like Mr. Monk would do.

Now, I keep a paper towel in my pocket, just in case I end up at a restroom that uses those horrible air dryers. Regardless, I use a paper towel to open the door handle to the men's room.

Anyway, I don't really think I'm turning in to Adrian Monk. But he's got the right idea about some things.

Oh, by the way. Anyone know where I can buy some Sierra Springs water? Or some Lever 2000 wipes?


  1. The Basil Interview ...

    Basil of Basil's Blog conducts the Atlas Interview here. Go over there and read it all.........I had a blast doing it. What can we expect to hear from you at the Bloggingman 2007? Truth, justice and the American way. Scary...

  2. Get you some wetnaps and keep a couple in your wallet.

    BTW have you noticed in some grocery stores (Publix on Summerville Road for one) usually has wet wipes at the front door for people to clean the handle on their buggies?

  3. Start buying rubber gloves in bulk! lol

  4. The mom part of me is so proud of you! (And the reasons why I carry many disinfectant products with me again confirmed...)

  5. There's one key point you haven't considered which keeps you from becoming a full-fledged "Monk". A Monk would rationalize that after Mr. Pee-Pee Hands touched the handle of the door, he probably went out and touched the handrail on the escalator, the counter of your local Starbucks, the doorknob to your Great Aunt Trudy's house, and fondled every plate, knife, fork, spoon and spork at every restaurant you will eat at in your lifetime.

    And he probably had a cold.

  6. Bwahahaha. Well, at least urine is sterile.

  7. That is why I wear long sleeve shirts... I can just use the sleeves in case of something like that.


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