Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Making Dessert

White Trash Wednesdays

This past Christmas, we all got together and had us a good time eatin' dinner and supper. Some folks make a turkey or a ham. Some make casseroles. Some make cakes and pies. I got me a dessert specialty I made.

Actually, Basil has the recipe for his fluffy banana concoction. I takled him out of it and I decided to show everyone that I can make do in the kitchen myself. After all, I've been eating for most of my life. And I can cook.

Anyway, here's the recipe for that Fluffy Bananna Conction Concoction.

  1. Look through the cabinets until you find the flour.

  2. Open the tupperware contain of flour. Pull hard.

  3. Clean flour up off the floor.

  4. Pick bugs out of flour that's still in the tupperware container. You can stop when you get enough flour to fill up a coffee cup.

  5. Open refrigerator and look for butter.

  6. Take the two small end pieces of butter that fell down to the egg shelf and put in a microwavalbe dish.

  7. get the other piece of butter that has been scooped out across the top by the butter knife and put it in that microwabavle dish.

  8. Put dish in microwave and microwave on high for five minutes.

  9. Take dish of burnt butter out of microwave. Throw away.

  10. Clean microwave.

  11. Run to store to buy more butter.

  12. Ask lady with shoppping cart if there's a difference between the Winn Dixie brand and the one with the little Indian girl on the box.

  13. Buy the one with the little Indian girl on the box. Return back to the house.

  14. Put three sticks on butter shelf.

  15. Put fourth stick in clean micrwavable dish.

  16. Throw away box so the old lady won't know you messed up the butter we already had.

  17. Microwave stick of butter for 10 seconds. Repeat. Repeat Repeat.

  18. Take out of microwave.

  19. Open freezer and find zip-lock bag of pecans.

  20. Take rubber band off bag of pecans. Unfold.

  21. Look for any sign of a date on bag.

  22. Smell pecans.

  23. Feed a pecan to cat.

  24. Make note to get a new cat.

  25. Throw pecans away.

  26. Go back to store to buy pecans.

  27. Get small bag of pecans.

  28. Pick up poptarts, bag of fun-size snickers, and beef jerkey.

  29. And a coke.

  30. Eat beef jerkey and five fun-size snickers on the way back home.

  31. Put bag of pecans in large bowl.

  32. Add flour to bowl.

  33. Put hardened butter back in microwave for 10 seconds. Repeat.

  34. Pour melted butter in bowl.

  35. Open drawer to look for wooden spoon.

  36. Open other drawer to look for wooden spoon.

  37. Look in sink for wooden spoon.

  38. Wash wooden spoon.

  39. Using wooden spoon, mix flour, pecans, and butter.

  40. Open cabinet and look for dish.

  41. Look in other cabinet for dish.

  42. Look in drawer under stove for dish.

  43. Put blob of flour/pecans/butter in dish. Mash it flat.

  44. Turn oven on at 350 degrees. Wait for it to heat up.

  45. Go the the bathroom. Take book.

  46. After teh light goes out on the oven, put the dish with the mashed-flat crust inside.

  47. Look for watch.

  48. Figure that it took five minutes to find watch, so use watch to time passing of 15 more minutes.

  49. Take dish out of oven.

  50. Quickly put dish on counter top.

  51. Put salve on burned hands.

  52. Add oven mitts to shopping list.

  53. Wash bowl.

  54. Open cabinet and look for confectioners sugar.

  55. Call someone and ask them what confectioners sugar is.

  56. Call someone else and ask them what confectioner sugar is.

  57. Open cabinet and get bag of Winn Dixie powdered sugar.

  58. Put half a cup of powederd sugar in bowl.

  59. Take about half of it back out.

  60. Open refrigerator and get out box of cream cheese.

  61. Put cream cheese in bowl with sugar.

  62. Look in cabinet for mixer.

  63. Unplug toaster. Plug in mixer.

  64. Open drawer and look for the beater things.

  65. Open another drawer to find the other beater thing.

  66. Put beater things in mixer. Push hard.

  67. Put band-aid on finger. Wait for it to quit hurting.

  68. Turn mixer on high and start mixing cream cheese and powered sugar.

  69. Stop mixer.

  70. Wipe powdered sugar off face and shirt.

  71. Turn mixer on low and start mixing cream cheese and powdered sugar.

  72. Increase speed on mixer until it's all mixed in together.

  73. Open cabinet and look for instant vanilla pudding mix.

  74. Go to store to buy two small boxes of jello instant vanilla pudding mix.

  75. Dump the pudding mix in bowl.

  76. Go to the refrigerator and get milk out.

  77. Smell milk.

  78. Throw milk away.

  79. Go to the store to get a quart of milk.

  80. Put half the milk in the bowl.

  81. Open refrigerator and get bowl of cool whip.

  82. Empty bowl of cool whip in bowl.

  83. Turn mixer on low.

  84. Start mixing stuff again.

  85. Turn the speed on the mixer up a little bit and keep mixing.

  86. Turn mixer all the way up and keep mixing.

  87. Take mixer out of bowl. Turn off.

  88. Wipe mess up off the walls. And cabinet. And side of the refrigerator.

  89. Find funny-shaped spatula thing. Lay aside.

  90. Find banana. Throw away brown parts. Repeat.

  91. Cut bananas up and lay across the cooled crust.

  92. Remember to let crust cool first.

  93. Finish cutting up bananas and spread them out across the crust.

  94. Find spatula thingy and use it to dump the stuff on bananas and crust.

  95. Using spatula thingy, spread the stuff around.

  96. Look for cover for dish.

  97. Find saran wrap, and cover dish.

  98. Put dish in refrigerator.

  99. Let chill overnight.

  100. Enjoy!

Basil's recipe is actually pretty good stuff. And the dish I made was a big hit. I hope you enjoy it.

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Alabama Improper
And Rightly So!
Dangerous Logic
Feisty Republican Whore
It Is What It Is
Lost In Lima Ohio
Mean Ol' Meany
Merri Musings
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Pennsylvanian in exile
Pirate's Cove
Public Figures
Riehl World View
Right Truth
Six Meat Buffet
Stupid Random Thoughts
The Jawa Report
The Nose On Your Face
The Therapist
Vince Aut Morire

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