Monday, August 14, 2006

A Call To Arms

Gen. George S. Patton, Jr.Gentlemen and Ladies...

Recently, Basil was googling himself ... and no, that's not as dirty as it sounds ... and discovered that he was tops of the Google listings for the name or word "Basil". No mean feat, to be sure, since there are lots of famous people named Basil already around. Plus there's that herb that some people cook with.

No matter. Basil ... the Basil of this very Basil's Blog ... was tops of the Google rankings. And it took 20 months from the launch of this little blog of his to make it to the top.

One of the Basil's that was now ranked below our Basil is a comedian that lurks around our nation's capital. Basil White operates out of the seat of our government ... or the area around, I should say ... and makes people laugh.

Have you seen the guy? Hell, just looking at him makes me laugh.

Still, bringing laughter to proud Americans is a good thing. And Basil White has been doing a good thing at great American institutions like the Bentz Street Bar in Frederick, Maryland. And at the Del Rio in Leesburg, Virginia. And at ZIG'S in Alexandria. And at Wiseacres Comedy Club in Tyson's Corner, Virginia.

Laughter is a good thing. It serves its purpose. And bringing laughter is a noble mission.

But sometimes it's time to get serious.

And that ne'er-do-well Basil White has crossed the line!

When he heard that our Basil was tops of the Google listings, Basil White took comfort in the fact that he is tops in the Google search results for "Basil White." As well he should be. But when it was pointed out that Basil ... our Basil ... is tops for "Basil White Trash" ... well, that didn't set too well with Mr. White.

He's gone and declared war!

Well, Basil White ... if it's war you want, it's war you shall get.

Everyone ... everyone able-bodied man, woman, and child ... 18 and over ... that's going to be in the area of these locations, stop in and visit. And heckle him! Heckle him unmercifully! And maybe a chant or two. You'll think of something:
  • Wed., Aug. 16, 8pm, headlining at the Bentz Street Bar in Frederick, Maryland. In the heart of Frederick City at 6 South Bentz Street and Patrick Street. Reservations are recommended (301) 620-2222. Directions at Bentz Street Bar Web site.
  • Fri., Aug. 18 9pm & Sat., Aug. 19 9pm, headlining at Wiseacres Comedy Club in Tyson's Corner, Virginia. That's his home club. 8401 Westpark Drive at Route 7 in the Tysons Westpark Hotel across from Tower Records. Reservations at 703-734-2800. Buy tickets here.
  • Sat., Sept. 16, 1-5pm, & Sun., Sept. 17, 1-5pm, Basil White is teaching a class at the Bethesda, Maryland Writer's Center: "Applying Standup Comedy Writing Secrets" to poetry, fiction, literary reading, etc. Map and directions here. The class description is here, and you can register at 301-654-8664.
  • Sat., Sept. 23 @ 10pm, headlining at the Del Rio in Leesburg, Virginia. South side of Route 7 (aka 701 E Market St) between Fort Evans Road and Prosperity Avenue. Online directions here. Call (703) 777-9554 for reservations or visit the Del Rio Web site for directions. First three SLOB members who show up with a printed e-mail message from Basil White get a FREE CD! To join the SLOB, send your ZIP Code to this address.
  • Fri., Nov. 10 @ 8pm and Sat., Nov. 11 @ 8pm, headlining at ZIG'S in Alexandria, Virginia. This is a live taping for his new DVD. Zig's keeps its full dinner menu open until 2am. 4531 Duke Street west of Jordan St. in Alexandria, VA, about a mile East of Landmark Mall in the FoxChase Shopping Center. Online reservations here, or just call them at (703) 823-2777. Point-to-point driving directions here. First three SLOB members who show up with a SLOB message from Basil White get a FREE CD! To join the SLOB, send your ZIP Code to this address.

Oh, if you can't make it to one of his appearances ... HE'S GOT A BLOG! Visit his blog and tell him he can't win this war.

Now, fellow soldiers, we implore you to remember the Rules of War.
  • No spamming! That's a war crime.
  • No hacking of Web sites. That's a war crime.
  • No talking about his mama. Never mind. She's fair game!

We'll show Basil White what White Trash is all about!

We didn't start this war. But, by God, we'll finish it.

That is all.


  1. I can't believe you have maps to his performances roflmao!!
    ahem...Dragon reporting for duty SIR!

  2. You're fighting on the wrong front. Just checked Google, and you ain't number one for "Basil" anymore. You should be declaring war on Ohio State University.

    (You have shot way up in "Jamie Lynn Spears naked," however, thanks in no small part to me.)

  3. Geez... whatever happened to Basil Rathbone... you know? Sherlock Holmes?

  4. Basil, my sister was doing some type of weird search for my site and your site came up under a really weird one...I'll have to ask her what it was.

  5. The Ghost of Gen. George S. PattonAugust 15, 2006 at 9:40 AM

    Gleeson: Stand up when I'm addressing you, soldier.

    Now then. We didn't declare this war. Mr. Stand Up Comedian did. And we'll make him pay! Pay, I tell you!

    We have no quarrel with Ohio State University. If their College of Basil is the top search result, so be it.

    But we were threatened and attacked ... ATTACKED! ... by Basil White ... and we'll make him pay!

    That is all.

    Now, back to work, soldier.

  6. Bsil goes to war!

    I like the new format, btw.

  7. Thanks!

    Honza Prchal: Thanks, but I'm uncertain if it's a keeper. I'm slowly converting the blog over to use WordPress widgets, and this is the first widgetized theme that I've modified with inline trackbacks and such. Well, this, WP Default, and WP Classic. I'm going to be working with other themes, and make many available.

  8. The Mean Sister (who is 5'6")August 15, 2006 at 12:36 PM

    Hey basil,

    The Mean Sister reporting for duty as ordered. Um, well, uh...I kinda need you to send me some information about posting again since I have been working on my dissertation and not posting...can you help me out?

  9. Doh, The other Basil was right here at our base. Everyone go infrared!

  10. Well it left a comment but it somehow set off the content filter. I swear it wasn't bad.

  11. Sis: Scroll down under the sports logo to the "meta" section. Click login. You'll have the ability to log in ... or recover your password if you forgot it. If you need more info, call me. I'm in the book.

  12. Dragonlady: Not sure what set it off. I don't know if it was Spam Karma or Akismet that kicked it. I'm watching closely.

  13. Hooah - reporting for duty, Basil, sir!

  14. I concede defeat to E-mail me your snail mail for your war reparations:

    CD of Peeing On Stonehenge -

    Bumpersticker -

    Fridge magnet -

    We hope this solidifies the goodwill between our two nations. We must say goodbye, as we must attend to affairs of state.

  15. In the words of Calvin (and Hobbies), "Promotions all around".

  16. The Mean Sister (who is 5'6")August 16, 2006 at 3:00 AM

    Drat! Missed the chance and had a post ready. SIGH! Hey basil, could you get someone else to declare war?

  17. I'm with mean sister. this was was over way too quick. ;-)


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