Today, we're pleased to have one of Philadelphia's finest joining us today. It's Wyatt Earp of Support Your Local Gunfighter...
Everyone is ready with their questions...
Now, the first question...
Why do you always lick the tips of your fingers after eating potato chips?
I tried to lick other people's fingers, but some considered that "rude."
What is the dumbest question you have ever been asked by an arrestee?
After locking up a guy for DUI at 4am, he asked, "Hey, can you call my boss and tell him I'll be out sick today?"
What is the dumbest crime you have ever investigated?
Quadruple murder. No, I would say it had to be The Great TastyKake Theft. A store manager caught a kid stealing two TastyKakes ... a Philly delicacy ... and captured it on the store's video camera. The manager wanted me to drop everything and get a warrant for this kid. Total value stolen: $2.00.
Sometimes doing the right thing is tough. Sometimes we have to choose between bad and worse. You are in a tough business. I have known snipers that get bothered even though what they did was absolutely right. It seems being a cop would have some similar circumstances. Did you ever lose any sleep over the choices you had to make at work?
Crime never sleeps! The worst incident I can recall occurred about ten years ago. A 6'2", 300-pound man was running in and out of traffic, high on PCP and crack. I arrived with my backup, an older female, who tried to talk to the guy. He started taking off his clothes and said, "I am Jesus Christ!" The next thing I know, he tries to grab my backup's pistol. I rear back with my nightstick and hit him across his chest as hard as I could. The man looked at me and laughed. I immediately called for an Assist Officer, and it took seven of us to get him in the wagon. For the next few days, I was waiting for the call that the guy died. Not from the drugs, but from my Babe Ruth impersonation. I was scared to death. IAB cleared me, and it was a necessary action, but I still had doubts.
Do guns kill people?
Of course, not. Guns don't kill people; dangerous minorities do.
Hey copper, Ooops I mean Detective, Do you ever get any sun on those legs of yours or do you use them to light your way at night?
When the Mother Ship lands, who do you think they'll avoid killing: the bronzed, cancer-ridden surfers, or the pale, alien-looking misfits? I stand by my decision.
How many bloggers have you met?
None. I don't like bloggers. Kidding! I already knew Deathlok from Temerity of High Maintenance and Grimjack from Grim Musings, and I recently met Ssssteve from First With Flair and Fitch from Radioactive Liberty.
How many, if any do you like?
Not a one. Kidding again! All four are top-notch people. There is a laundry list of others who I would like to meet.
List your top three favorite guns and why?
This may seem like bull, but I'm not much of a gun guy. I love my city-issued Glock 17 because it's idiot proof. A good idea, since Philadelphia hires so many idiot cops. Hell, they hired me! My father-in-law gave me his Smith & Wesson .38 snub-nose revolver for my birthday a few years back. That's nice and small, but packs a punch. As for my third, my friend has an AR-15 assault rifle that is a dream to shoot. Little kick, and a comfortable weapon to hold.
Why skinny women pictures?
Because the fat ones won't fit in my template. Heh.
You told us who Kyle likes, which cartoon characters are your favorites?
I would say my top three ... in order of importance ... are Daffy Duck, Stewie Griffin, and Howard Dean.
After watching the "candidates" visit the Iowa State Fair, I have one question of great political importance. Which is worse, eating a deep-fried twinkie or getting a sweaty hug from Joe Biden?
Oh, thanks a lot, that's a fair choice! I would probably go with the one without all the fat, artificial coloring, and flavoring that won't rot my insides: the deep-fried Twinkie.
Did you prefer the movie "Wyatt Earp" or "Tombstone"
I prefer Fahrenheit 9/11. God, I don't believe I actually wrote that. "Wyatt Earp" was which of the following: 1. Too long, 2. Too boring, 3. Had Kevin Costner, or 4. All of the above. The correct answer is 4, so "Tombstone" gets the nod.
Are you really a sharp shooter? If so, how did you become one? Military? Or are you a for real law man? Never mind, I see on your profile that you are a police detective (very sexy). But is it really all that sexy of work? I wouldn't think so. It's a wholenother breed of man (or woman) to do that kind of work.
I'm sorry, but I don't remember anything past the "very sexy" comment. At the Police Academy, everyone shot a "Badge Course" ... a contest where high scores earned a Police Badge (almost like a commendation). From lowest to highest, the badges read "Sharpshooter," "Expert," "Distinguished," and "Distinguished 100" (a perfect score). I shot "Expert," and missed "Distinguished" by two points, but Sharpshooter sounds better. I was never in the military, but I am a real PPD Detective. It is not exactly filled with the glamour NYPD Blue or Law & Order make it out to be, but it's the best job in the department.
What is the image and "Do Not Knock Him Out" on your blog mean?
That's the guy I send over to the homes of rude commenters. Actually, it was a picture and a quote from the film "Snatch." It's one of my favorite movies. I usually post some pic in the sidebar to distract readers from my lousy writing.
How long have you been blogging?
Since Al Gore invented the internet. It varies, because I started my first blog in late 2004, before jackass trolls made me shut it down in January, 2005. I started SYLG on June 6, 2005, and have been boring readers ever since.
What do you hate to see on others' blogs? This can mean content, images, or whatever.
A lack of fabulous babes! The last thing I want to be is the Blog Police. Many blogs are personal, and include the blogger's personality, likes and dislikes, what have you. Thus, I won't rip a blog because of something I find objectionable. Having said (or wrote) that, if I personally visit a blog that has a ridiculous amount of four-letter words, pornography, or simply a lack of entertainment value, I won't come back. And, for the record, I don't tolerate F-bombs or their equivalents on SYLG.
What do you like to see blogged about? In other words, what topic will most likely cause you to comment on someone else's blog?
I like people to write about my fine, upstanding blog! Okay, that felt dirty. To answer your question, I like almost anything: politics, sports, current events, pop culture; anything that is fairly topical, and (most of all) entertaining. As far as comment motivation goes, I try to comment on every blog in my sidebar at least once a week. That gets more and more difficult each day, but I also like to surf the blogosphere to find something worthwhile. And, if I see a new commenter on SYLG, they always get a "Welcome!" and a reciprocal visit from me. I don't like to comment for the sake of commenting, but if I have an opinion, you'll hear it.
"I think the question here on everybody's mind is how cool was is to hang
out with Doc Holiday?!"
Cause really...I'm your Huckle Berry!
Cripes, how old do you think I am? And what exactly is a Huckleberry, anyway? Can you make pies from them?
As a Tom Clancy reader myself, which of his books to favor and why?
The one with Ben Affleck in it. I'm kidding. Ben Affleck is a no-talent clod. Red Storm Rising and Patriot Games are probably my favorites. Although, his work of late has really taken a downturn in my opinion.
As a detective how do you feel about Clancy's political opinions about the release of top secret information?
I regard the opinions of celebrities with the same disdain the blogosphere takes mine. Clancy is a writer. Write, damn it! And keep your political opinions to yourself.
Did you find a decline in your blog readers after your post about Patsy Ramsey? BTW, I happen to agree with you on it.
Yeah, my average daily readership dropped from 8 to 3. I would by lying if I said I didn't check out my daily stats, but I didn't see a real fluctuation after the Ramsey post ... although I wouldn't have blamed the readers if they were steamed.
Because that prissy little bitch Xbox wouldn't return my calls! I rarely drink, I don't smoke, and crystal meth is getting too expensive. Thus, PS2 is my main source of stress relief. Without it, I would have to take out my frustrations on the public . . . from a clock tower.
When will we finally see the swiftness of Jack Bauer, the justice of Vic Mackey and the occassional hot smoking SLYG calendar girl brought to the mean streets of Philidelphia?
Insol, you magnificent bastard, you read my mind! Unfortunately, the answer to your question is "When pigs fly." Thanks to Philadelphia's suspect hiring practices, the only Jack Bauer or Vic Mackey you'll see wearing a PPD uniform is during "24: Philadelphia." As far as the fabulous babes go, there are plenty of them in the Philadelphia area . . . and none of them will give me the time of day!
So you're a police detective. Cool! Is it true what they say about Cops and Donuts?
Erroneous! Erroneous! Believe it or not, many Philly cops visit Dunkin Donuts because their coffee is out of this world. And for the record, I have NEVER eaten a donut in uniform ... simply because I don't want people perpetuating the stereotype.
What kind of heat do you pack, and if you had your choice for something else, what would that be?
I like Icy Hot Heat Packs, especially when my knees . . . Oh, sorry. Philadelphia police officers carry the Glock 17 on duty, although a few old-timers still carry .38 revolvers. If I could choose something else, it would be the Desert Eagle, and shotguns would be in every car. Nothing scares a thug more than a shotgun.
NASCAR or Indy Car?
Great. A racing fan. You know they just drive fast and turn left, right? Nah, I'm pulling your chain. I'm a HUGE NASCAR fan, but I also watch the occasional F1 or Indy Car race. And Danica Patrick doesn't hurt, either.
What was the worst experience you ever had in Court that you are allowed to discuss?
A few weeks ago, I was involved in a jury trial. I was "on call" at the division until the jury was selected ... as is procedure. The ADA calls me at 11am and tells me the judge is gonna hold me in contempt unless I get there a.s.a.p., so I fly out the door and race down. When I get to the courtroom, the gallery is full, and the judge ... a knucklehead named DeFino ... called me into his chambers. He left the doors open, and began to yell, curse, and berate me for ten minutes. I mean, how dare I follow procedure instead of appearing before His Highness? After he was done yelling and cursing, he called my captain, who explained I did nothing wrong. DeFino dismissed me and had me walk out to the courtroom, where the gallery and the jury were sitting. The "judge" wanted to let everyone know I was incompetent, I guess. Any hoo, they called me to the stand, and I read the signed confession (after Miranda) of an aggravated assault into the record. The judge dismissed me after my testimony, but as I was leaving, said on the record in front of the jury, "Remember what we talked about, Detective. Don't make that mistake again!" I left and the next day I heard that the jury found the offender not guilty on all counts. NOT GUILTY after a SIGNED CONFESSION was obtained??? No one can tell me the jury didn't clear this scumbag because Judge DeFino tainted my testimony. No one. And, by the way, all court cases are public record after the decision, so there's no impropriety here.
What was the funniest experience?
Honestly, it's watching these jackass judges in action. Whether it's coming two hours late or coming to ludicrous decisions, the Philadelphia Judicial System is a comedy unto itself.
The Obligatory Question: Mac or PC?
PC, but hopefully with something better than dial-up. As of now, my blog is published on a computer that works on hamster power.
Since I am actually related to Wyatt Earp and his brothers, I wondering if this guy was, in reality, related in any way to Wyatt Earp. Or, is he simply using a pseudonym.
I am not, but Wyatt Earp sounded better than by birth name: Biff Biffman.
Why Wyatt Earp? Why not Masterson or Hickok?
I thought rearranging the letters to read "Watery Tap" looked better than "Names Rots" or "Oh Kick."
Have you ever gottent the chance to meet and hang out with some of your fellow bloggers?
I got together for dinner with Sssteve from First With Flair and Fitch from Radioactive Liberty. Sssteve came from Washington (not D.C.) to Philly with his brother to buy a car. Seriously. They then drove it home, where it soon died in Sssteve's brother's arms. I just laughed and laughed!
What's your favorite cheese?
Does that processed, jet-propelled crap in the can count? If not, I'd have to say Swiss. Those yodeling, fondue-dipping, pacifists really know their stuff.
What's your favorite cheese to pronounce?
What's the best part of your job?
There's a "best part?" Most new cops would say "helping people." Me? Since most of the people in my detective division hate the police, I would say it's putting scumbags away for a long, long time.
The pay, the hours, the current city administration. Pretty much everything else.
What would you be doing if you weren't a dectective?
Probably sitting around all day, blogging in my underpants. Oh wait: I do that now. Well, I would have to say I'd still be coaching high school lacrosse and busting my hump to get a writing job. I'd love to write a novel, but in all honesty, I'm not that talented.
What does blogging do for you?
Ask not what blogging can do for you. Ask what you can do for blogging! Writing has always been my outlet, and it's my main source of stress relief. The fact that a few kind readers deem SYLG worthy enough to read both amazes and humbles me.
Have you ever been wrong and admitted it?
No! Not at all!! NEXT QUESTION!!! I thought Scott Peterson would be acquitted and Kobe Bryant would be convicted. Man, I really dropped the ball there. I thought there was no way Hillary Clinton would be elected U.S. Senator. What was I thinking? I thought SYLG would land an interview at Basil's. Hey, I'm one for four! Whoo hoo! I like to say that I am wrong more times before 9am than most people are all day.
What makes you happiest?
Bubble baths, sunsets, and unicorns. Sorry, that's what makes Miss June happiest. I'm a simple man. (Read: Big, dumb guy.) If you omit the usual answers of family, friends, etc., my answer is playing ice hockey. Even at 37, I still get a thrill lacing up the skates and stepping onto the ice. The rink is my happy place. It's the greatest game in the world.
Vic Mackey or Andy Sipowicz?
Although I probably look more like Andy, Vic is the man. He is the cop that every cop wants to be, whether he or she admit it or not.
Thanks to our favorite lawman/gunfighter, Wyatt Earp for the interview. We really appreciate it.
Tomorrow, we're delighted to have Irina (The Ignoble Experiement, a.k.a. Live Dangerously!) joining us.