Saturday, November 19, 2005

Harvey from Bad Example

Today, we are pleased to continue The Blog Interviews. And we've had some great interviews so far. But today is a little special to me. We're interviewing my mentor, Harvey from Bad Example ...

The interview panel is ready ...

So now we'll begin

You've handled dollar bills that have been subjected to the most idiotic defacement. Have you ever handled ones with bizarre odors?

Not bizarre, exactly, more like familiar. My bank was in farm country, and when someone walks in with pig crap on his boots, and hands you a wad of bills with his pig-crap-covered hands, it's not hard to guess what the smell on the bills is.

Other fragrant bills I've handled: musty basement, dusty attic, buried in the garden, and some that were in close contact with exceptionally high grade marijuana.

Where do you find all of that money with the graffiti on it? Is it something you specifically ask for when you go to the bank?

I worked as a bank teller for 5 years, and - at a rough guess - I looked through about $4000 in singles every week. Graffiti currency is relatively scarce - maybe 1 bill in 1000, but it adds up over time

When you were an MM in the military, did you carry around a big wrench? *wink, wink*

1 7/8 diameter was as big as it got. Women always tell me circumference is more important than length, anyway.

Who is your favorite author?

Probably Basil of Basil's Blog. If I've ever read anyone better than him, I certainly don't remember it.

Running a close second, though, would be Stephen King. I've read nearly everything he's written - most of it more than once. Although he's more famous for his grisly horror writing, his books also usually contain particularly poignant passages describing those silly, tiny things that you remember about a woman when she's not around. Those parts always get to me, because it's exactly right. In fact, my favorite picture of my wife is of her with her hair in a sloppy ponytail, in stained, baggy clothes, holding a paintbrush. I talked about that here.

If you had to choose...who would you rather be...Elvis. or John Wayne?

Can't I be someone living?

If not, I'll pick John Wayne. Elvis was about flash and image. John Wayne was more about self-confidence. He had a presence about him.

What is your obsession with Michael Gross?

It's either that I bear a remarkable resemblance to the man or I have a fetish for thin, bearded, balding guys. Either way, you've GOT to admit he absolutely ROCKED in "Tremors".

Who's the most famous person you've ever met?

While in Vegas a couple years ago, I got to speak ever-so-briefly with Penn Gillette of Penn & Teller fame after the show. While waiting in line, I tried to think of something to say to him that he hadn't heard before, so I mentioned that I thought that he and Teller were the perfect choice for Rebo and Zooty on Babylon 5.

He was singularly unimpressed by the comment :-/

What's your favorite part about having such a large blog family?

The warm fuzzy feeling I get from the knowledge that these people didn't have to dive into a cold, indifferent blogosphere when they started out, like I did. Nothing sucks worse than spending months with nothing but zeros in your comments section. It eats at your soul.

That, and all the psychotic love they show in my comments if I go on vacation.

Oh, and the peculiar sensation of having women who are older than I am calling me "daddy". Since my wife is younger than me, I don't get to experience that at home.

are you really a pervert, or a regular guy pretending to be?

See answer to previous question.

Mostly it's just that I was a nerd/geek/loser in high school, meaning I was incredibly sex-obsessed during my formative years. Joining the Navy - where crude sexual banter is considered polite conversation - didn't help matters. My mind now habitually slides into the gutter at the slightest provocation, and I don't bother fighting it. At least on the blog. I'm a little more reserved in person, although I have my moments.

Besides, light bondage isn't REALLY a perversion, is it?

You have had quite the perch as the emerging blogosphere steamrolls the natonal psyche and delivers the death blows to the mainstream media. My question is, what is the one defining/ shocking/ memorable/ important blog moment that blew you away?

Being more of a humor and smut blogger than plugging away on the front lines of politics, I must say that my perch, such as it was, still left me on the sidelines for most of the important events in the rise of blogs. Still, watching the implosion of Dan Rather during the Memogate scandal was mindblowing. Blogs went from "what's a 'blob'?" to a household word seemingly overnight. It was the closest I've ever come to being on the cutting edge of a trend.

Still, I was mostly a bystander for that.

From a more hands-on aspect, there's the trend of Blog Communities. These days, there's dozens of them being tracked by the Truth Laid Bear, and a lot of people are in one group or another. But what most people don't know is that that really all got started with the rise of the Alliance of Free Blogs, which was the first Community that the Bear actively tracked (thanks entirely to the tireless efforts of Susie of Practical Penumbra, the official Charming Hostess of Alliance HQ and Keeper of the Alliance Blogroll). The full story of how Communities went from one to dozens is tale full of links and painful details which is beyond the scope of this interview, to be written at a later date.

Finally, on a personal note, the thing that still boggles my mind was watching the meteoric (yet well-deserved) ascension of Matty O'Blackfive. I first stumbled across him when he was just a tiny Blogspotling with broken permalinks (a common problem before Google bought Blogger and transformed it into a fairly decent web ap). His readership was maybe double-digits on a good day, and he blogged mostly about his prodigious drinking talents. I distinctly recall him mentioning that he thought he'd "made it" when he finally broke the 100-hits-per-day barrier.

Now he's THE source for all good things Milblog, and a national resource for giving our troops the honor and respect they deserve. He's even been on TV.

Really an odd feeling. Sorta like having gone to high school with John Travolta, except with less Scientology and more beer.

Do you really have a thing for unicorns?

Unicorns are my brothers, in the sense that the word "horny" is a fitting adjective and we both have a tendency to attract beautiful vigins.

Who is my mommy?

I don't remember her name, but I think she's still working at the Casa de Bootie in Tijuana. Bring lots of dollar bills and tell her I said "Hi".

How many hippies would you deport to North Korea if you could deport hippies to North Korea?

Surprisingly, none of them. It's hard to get news out of North Korea, and it's easier to mock their wacky antics if they're out caterwauling their slogans on the Mall in D.C.

I'd be a fool to throw away comedy gold like that.

What's the best thing about blogging?

Indulging in witty rejoinders with intelligent people in my comments or theirs.

When I was working at the bank, I was mostly surrounded by folks, who - while nice people - were barely bright enough to turn on a computer without electrocuting themselves. Most of the clever remarks I made went sailing over their heads without causing even the tiniest twitch of an eyelash on their part. It's painful to be alone in a roomful of people. It's a nice change of pace to hang with a group of folks (either virtually or in person) whose presence doesn't necessitate my having to use short words & simple sentences.

More about that here.

If you could go anywhere in the world for a day, where would you go?

Paris - just long enough to pee on the Eiffel Tower

For a week?

Vegas, baby - just long enough to lose the house.

For a month?

Jamaica - drunk and naked on a beach is the ONLY way to spend February.

For a year?

Australia - it's a big country, so I'd need a lot of time to see all the sights, plus I'd come back with a sexy accent.

I need a wine to go with filet mignon. Red or white?


Will you ever play soccer again?

No, I learned my lesson after that game in third grade. My groin still has a dent from blocking that goal.

Why do you have a shrine to Michale Gross hidden in your closet?

Well, I used to have it on the front lawn, but it kept getting vandalized by those heretics from the Church of Michael J. Fox. There is only one true star of Family Ties.

Thongs or granny panties?

Thongs. You can't make a slingshot out of granny panties.

Is it wrong to touch yourself while on public transportation?

Not according to the teachings of the Church of Michael Gross.

What would you do if you were:
A) Attacked by some sort of soaring celestial simian?

Feed him space-bananas while groping for a rock with which to smash the faceplate of his space helmet.

B) Sane.

Listen to Air America until the feeling passed.

C) Your favorite flavor of ice cream.

Get licked by pretty girls

D) Attacked by the soaring celestial simian in A. but he's somehow figured out your original defense?

Go crying to SarahK, begging for protection.

E) All of the above

Convert to Michael J. Foxism.

Sorry about the multiple questions there. You know how them monkeys are.

Now, if you could beat one person with a clue bat, who would it be?

George W. Bush. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, but he promised me stolen Iraqi oil for supporting the war effort, and he needs to learn to keep his promises.

Call it "tough love"

What is your feelings on divine intervention, and parking tickets?

I believe that "God told me to park in the handicapped space" IS a legitimate excuse. Screw the judge. Stupid robe-wearing gavel-banger.

What is your favorite vice?

Hand-rolled cigars. From Cuba when I can get them, from Honduras when I can't.

What's that smell?

*sniff, sniff*

A combination of leather polish and strawberry-flavored edible panties.

Which does NOT make me a pervert.

I'd like to thank Harvey for taking the time to agree to the interview. And I want to thank everyone who asked questions. This has been a blast!

Tomorrow, the fun continues as we bring in the hottest, smartest, sexiest, bestest babes in the blogosphere: The Cotillion!

Tune in here for all the fun.


  1. Classic Blog-er-view

    I just read a classic post that will encapsulate this space and time in the history of the blog-o-sphere...

  2. Any man who likes Cuban cigars and hates soccer can't be all bad

  3. Excellent interview -- both the questions and the answers. I can see it now -- the title of Harvey's Autobiography"

    "Ooh, What's that Smell?"
    From Bank Teller to Blogmeister

  4. Having had my ideas ripped off in the past - - - IT'S LGF not MALKIN with the "cutesy" graphic!!

  5. Love this interview style!! YO Harvey! duh I mean Go Harvey!


    My interview is now posted at Basil's Blog. I'd like to thank and/or curse (as appropriate) everyone who submitted questions. While you're there, check out the list of future interviewees to see if there's someone you'd like to pester. Questions...


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