My Life As A Lesbian Stalker

Back in February, I promised to tell the story about my time as a lesbian stalker. And due to the overwhelming demand for follow-ups (who am I kidding; no one asked) here it is.

First, a disclaimer. Don't do this. Even if you're a professional.

When I first when to work at the Evil Corporation several years ago, the group I was with had a strange sense of humor. And you had a tough skin or you left crying. And the guys were tough, too. It was a laugh a minute. Part of the reason is they were doing an impossible job in an unreasonable amount of time. But did it anyway.

So, one day, one of the girls at work asked me about an e-mail she got from my wife. She forwarded it to me, and was I ever shocked by what I read. In the e-mail, the wife was just plain rude to this friend (she was a friend of us both). But, I was speechless.

Then the work-friend started laughing. She had me. She had made up the e-mail and got me good. And enjoyed telling everyone. And so, I began planning my revenge.

I signed up for an AOL account. Yes, at $21.95/month. Back then, anyway. Then added a screen name. And another. I added profiles for each account, one male, one female.

The male account, "Mike," was the setup. The female account, was a sergeant in the Army, stationed at Fort Benning, due to ETS soon. For you non-military types, that means she was getting out of the Army. Oh, I remember her ScreenName, but it seems someone else has it now, so I can't share it. But it included her name, "Pat." Named after the old character from Saturday Night Live.

I looked up my friend's account profile, and set up both the male and female characters with similar interests and age and such.

Then, Mike started sending e-mails to my friend. Naturally, no response. A couple of weeks later, the Mike started sending out those mass-mailings "jokes of the day" to folks, including my friend and to Pat, plus several others. This carried on for a couple of weeks.

Then, Pat responded (reply to all) with stuff like "hey, that's funny" and crap like that. This continued for a couple of weeks.

Then, Pat started sending my friend e-mails along the line of "saw your screen name in Mike's e-mail and looked you up" kind of thing. My friend ignored it, of course, but Pat persisted.

I had (and have) an AIM account and would chat with my friend on occasion. I'd launch AOL and Pat would then try to chat with her, while I was still online via AIM.

Finally, she said something about it at work. That was the clue to kick it up a notch. Pat then began being a lot more forward, expressing great interest in my friend. Great interest. The friend then mentioned at work that the e-mails she was getting and wondering about this lesbian stalker she had.

Then, Pat was ETS-ing and was getting a job at the Evil Corporation. That really bothered her, and she was starting get worried. Which was my clue that enough was enough.

While online via AIM, I had Mike log on via AOL chat (on AOL Web page) and Pat log on via AOL. So, me and the two fake characters were all three online at the same time. Then I and the two characters all sent her the message at the same time, "Revenge is a dish best served cold."

Boy, was she mad at me. But she got over it. And then, a couple of weeks later was actually laughing about it.

Reading all this now gives me the creeps. And it should. Which is why I have retired as a lesbian stalker.

But, you know what? My friend never pulled another prank on me again.