Friday, November 4, 2005

Two Dogs from Mean Ol' Meany

Another round of Blog Interviews are on tap this weekend! Today, it's:

Two Dogs from Mean Ol' Meany...

Our panel is ready with their questions...

And here we go. First question?

Whose grave would you most like to piss on?

Well, obviously it would be mine. The one thing that I want people to say at my funeral would be, "Hey, look, he's moving!"

Follow-up: if you could exhume and hand over the rotten corpse of any single politician or intellectual to a gang of PCP-addicted necrophiles, whose corpse would it be?

Oh this is just too good. I will probably get a special place in Hell for my answer, but it would have to be Franklin D. Roosevelt. The idea of government doling the money out was not born with Frankie, but it was solidified and Constitutionalized by his concepts. The fact that our government can take money from one individual and transfer it to another person paralyzes the American Dream. See you in Hell Frankie-boy!

What's your favorite restaurant?

That's like asking what my favorite song is. (Soulshine by Gov't Mule with Little Milton anyway) Right now, it's a quaint little place here in Jackson called The Steam Room. Best baby seal cooked in Spotted Owl grease ever. I'm sure there are some that wince at that, but you have to have BABY seal for it to be really tasty.

Given that I am the Lizard King, over what cold-blooded creatures do you lord over?

Well, Jim, I don't rule over any creatures, but I have been nominated seven times. I think that someone is cheating at the ballot box. But, then again, I am conservative. Oh, you were awesome in Miami, awesome, I tell ya'.

What one thing that you said to someone would you take back?

To pare that list down to one actually took me quite some time, but it would probably be the time that I told my beloved wife that I was too tired to go up the World Trade Center in August of 2001. We never got the chance again and it was something that she really wanted to do. Damn, I suck.

Kirk or Picard?

Sorry to blaspheme, but I never got into Star Trek that much. If I had to choose, it would be Kirk simply because he was a Hellion with the ladies. And I do admire that because I am so shallow.

Everyone knows the names of at least three of Hitler's henchmen. Hitler's regime killed up to 20 million people. In contrast, Mao's regime starved and murdered 65 million people. Could you name at least three of Mao's top henchmen?

At my blog, I answer every question asked of me regarding research. Sorry, but I had to cheat here. Three of the many include Zhu De, Zhou Enlai, and who could forget his fourth wife, Jiang Qing? For a really fun trip, read Wikipedia's glowing review of Chairman Mao. They love this dude.

What was your ...

Follow-up: Does the name Feliks Dzherzhinsky mean anything to you?

I think that you actually mean Feliks Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky. Feliks was the first head of the Soviet Secret Police. He also was a Helluva squash player. You might say that Ol' Feliks was Communist before Communism was cool. Seems he had a little problem with the law from 1897 until the revolution in 1917. Oh, and again I cheated.

What was your worst day blogging?

Surprisingly enough, I have never had one single bad day. I have only been blogging since January 2005, so I guess the bad day has yet to materialize. Some of my posts drag out the freaks and weirdos, but I understand them and enjoy all types of debate. Oh, but Blogger gives me problems some times. The people, NEVER. Y'all are awesomatic, baby.

What was your best day blogging?

I have gotten into some pretty lively debates and traffic has spiked because of it, but the best day was when I posted a picture of my wife and I then got such wonderful e-mail from everyone. Bloggers are the best.

A nun, a caveman, and a gay guy walk into a bar. Which one would order the stupidest sounding drink?

I swear this just happened tonight at Sportman's Lodge. The caveman ordered a "Nar". I thought that I would laugh myself to death. It WAS pretty good though.

What is your favorite cartoon and why?

Okay, another blaspheme, but I have never really latched onto animation. Even as a child, I would rather read than watch Looney Tunes. I do get a kick out of "King of the Hill" though. Hank lives next door to me, but his name is DeWayne. Yep, spelled just like that.

What was the best money you ever spent?

I took my wife to Puerto Rico in September 2002 for our anniversery. Beautiful woman, beautiful place. You can never go wrong with SCUBA, casinos, and waverunners in my book. Oh, and they have rum too. Whudda thunk it?

How many times in your life have you heard someone yell, "Don't you be hitting him with that prosthetic limb now!"?

Since I do currently have one limb more than most people, rarely do I pull the fake one out anymore. Just on weekends and trust me when I say that I take every opportunity to hit someone with it. So, at least thirty.

If you could write only one more post on your blog, and you knew everyone would read it, what would be the topic?

I would probably pull out one of those "Romance Lesson" posts. Every conversation is an actual conversation with the bestest person that I ever had the good fortune to meet. Miss you, Boo.

You're a widower. Do you get pissed off when you see married couples who don't appreciate the time they have together?

One of the things that sends me into orbit regarding that is when I know that people genuinely care about one another and do not take that fleeting moment to remind their significant other that they are the most important thing in life. I guess Garth said it best when he said "If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her." I only hope Carla knew how much she meant to me and I tell her every night when the lights go out. G_d blessed me and I thank him for that. Yes, G_d is a him. Sorry.

Wesley Crusher or Will Robinson?

Lost in Space was great. Crusher justs looks like a sissy-boy and we all know that there are NO gay characters on Star Trek. Danger, Will Robinson.

Well that was fun and I think ...


Thanks again for the opportunity, Basil. I had a blast, but I think that Tom is really out on the edge. Those smarty pants kids.

Thank you for agreeing to the interview. Like I was saying, it was fun and we all learned something.

Tomorrow, we have Darleen from Darleen's Place. It's gonna be a blast, too.


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