Headline News: 5/4/2005

From ABC News:
New Computers Make Grocery Carts Smarter
Grocery buyers still as stupid as ever

From ABC News:
Angelina Jolie finally gets a talent agent
Now, all she's lacking is talent

From CNN:
China lifts ban on travel to Taiwan
Commie spies now have easier time getting into Taipei

From CNN:
After 10 years, brain-damaged man perks up
Finds Bill Clinton was re-elected, America villified for ousting Saddam, Red Sox win World Series; Re-enters coma

From WTAE:
Police: Deaf man opens fire on family
Suspect: "I bet they listen to me now!"

From WCVB:
Harvard investigating alleged gay beating
Good news: Can still beat up straight students and not be charged with hate crime

From WLKY:
Parents sue church after alleged molestation
Parents: "If I had wanted my child to be molested, I'd have sent him to a Catholic school. Or to Michael Jackson's house."

From WDIV:
Broken Gas Main Rocks Neighborhood
Garage band gets record deal, starts tour in September

From KMGH:
Lawmakers consider fire-safe cigarettes
They are a bitch to light

From ABC News:
Despite Finger, Body Parts in Food Rare
Usually only found in bologna and hot dogs