WTW: Corncobs and Cattalogs

Aunt Gladys done said sumthin' last week I been ponderin' on. She said sumthin about sissies using toilet paper. I rote her back and told her I am proud I ain't gotta use corn cobs no more. A'course most of the time I got to use Seers and Rowbuck cattalog, a'fore they kwit putten them out. I miss my cattalog.

For one thing, we reely looked forwerd to gettin' the cattalogs to see what we could pick out for Santa Claus to bring us at Christmas time. They was always reel fun to look at. I always wanted some of the doll babies that talked or moved or somethin'.

But the second reason and what I think is the most important reason is iffen they had ANY idea how ruff corn cobbs is, they wuddn't of kwit makin' them cattalogs. A'course its probly been a reel long time sense any of them Seers and Rowbuck cattalog peeple has used corncobs in a outhowse. They's great granpappy or great great granpappy is probly the last one's in there family what used a outhowse. Come to think of it, I ain't reely seed too many outhowses these days eckseptin' in the kuntryside way outside of town like where all my family lives.

Ma and Pa, they had a two holer, which is real good for outhowses, but it still wadn't all that much fun to go to the outhowse. It backed up to the hog pen, and iffen the smell from the outhowse didn't get to you, the smell from the hogpen would. Sometimes when you was just sittin' there lookin' at the pickchures in the Seers and Rowbuck cattalog and decidin' which page you woodn't miss 'cause it didn't have nothing on it you'd like for Christmas anyway, like some of those fancy game kind of things that didn't nobody ever know how to play, so's you wouldn't mind tearin' that page out so's you could use it, a hog would come up there to the outhowse and make some hog noise rite underneeth where you was sittin' and scare the livin' daylites out of you. That happened to me oncet. I 'bout coodn't use the bathroom for a long time after that, and Mama had to threaten me with castor oil.

But the other thing that was not so much fun about goin' to the outhowse was when everbody had used all the pages out of the Seers and Rowbuck cattalog a'fore the new one had a chace to get here and you had to go back to usin' corncobs. Them corncobs was reel ruff oncet you had got used to usin' the Seers and Rowbuck cattalog pages.

I still ain't got no clue why them hifalutin folks at the Seers and Rowbuck place qwit sendin' out the mail order cattalogs in the mailbox. Now why wood anybody with any sense do somethin' like that? Hmm...I jest wonder if maybe I jest ansered my own question.

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